Friday, October 20, 2017

The one with being gloriously pregnant!

Did you know that I am pregnant??



Okayla - for those who have been following my instagram and FB account would have known about it aeons ago, because I have been quite on the down low about it. Not that that I am not happy that I am pregnant immediately after hgetting hitched, its just that the whole process has been quite a challenge for me in the first place. Hence, the hiatus. Plus there's nothing much to rant about these days.....

Well how has it been you might ask?


For starters, there's a lot of changes. Physical, mental, emotional - you name it. Sometimes its just so overwhelming I got dumbstruck. There are some ups which was fun (like when you get to scan the baby and go all googly eyed over that little thing growing inside you) and there are also downs but I have to say my downs are quite hmmm - a lot - to a point that sometimes I doubt it when all my mom friends tell me how "magical" being pregnant is. They seem to obviously enjoy it - whilst I have this 50-50 feeling of mixed joy and dread. Sigh. Not that I am ungrateful - we feel so blessed to have this bundle of joy this soon. Perhaps its a challenge because I am not that young anymore - I am in mid 30's and not at my fittest/best health so obviously the level of energy is low. The first couple of months have been tiring so I slept and slept and slept like all around the clock.

I also struggled with gastritis and my acute sinusitis - the past month being the worst of all because of the excessive pghlem build up and flu - i end up coughing for about 3 weeks and became besties with the my toilet bowl - alternating between vomitting and excessive peeing due to poor bladder control. I have to do laundry every 5 days because I ran out of clothes in lightning speed for the past month.Its both humiliating and depressing going through the whole ordeal.

At my lowest point, which can occur every other week or so - I end up crying for being such a loser. Don't ask why - I just felt like one.

Other than that all is good I suppose.The baby seems to be quite a happy baby because despite being cranky and sad I am also easily amused and I can laugh immediately in between tears. That's cray cray - I am never like that. I'm quite a passionate person  and when it comes to emotion - when I cry I cry a hurricane katrina. I am obviously showing more now but for the past couple of months nobody even noticed my tummy - I look only I gained weight a bit. Not that its a bad thing. I don't want excessive gain because that is so not a good news for overweight people like me.


Anyways its Friday. Have a good one y'all! Till then! xoxo.

Thursday, August 3, 2017


Oh my - its already August. Sometimes I wish time is much slower - how do time fly so fast?

The past month must be one of the hardest month of my life. I am constantly tired. I got a bit under the weather - viral flu was going around and I sorta caught on the bug a bit and was having flu problems for about 2 weeks before it goes off but alhamdulillah its just flu. Its not a full blown lun g infection like the one I had last October. Besides, I can't afford to be that ill. I remember being in the hospital for 5 days and on a constant antibiotics drip to clear off the infection - its a total nightmare. Being on a permanent medication helps I think. So yeah, that was it.

I can't be any more miserable than I already am at the moment. A lot of things is just depressing me. I go home from work every day in tears - its practically a daily thing for the past couple of weeks. When I do get home I just got so tired I took a quick shower and went to bed. At some point I think my husband got a tad worried because to him I am crying at home everyday for no reason but I suppose even if I say anything there is nothing he can do to help. The next day everything goes on repeat.  Its a vicious never ending circle. I have to admit I feel helpless. Useless pun ada. Have I given up yet? No I haven't. I am still trying to endure and give the best that I can. But then at this point it felt like the best I can give is not enough. Sigh. So macam mana ni?

I am trying to keep calm though. Its not so good at the moment to be all depressed. I can't even medicate myself. Its bad enough I can't medicate myself for my physical pain - hence no painkillers to endure the back pain, headches, flu and whatnot - now I am emotionally unstable lagi la tak boleh so forget the anti-depressants and sleeping pills also la. Selalunya ada je solution. Now tahan je la. 

Apa la nasib.

Omg kan best kalau boleh tido.


Okay I have stuff to do. Enough crapping.


Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Back to work post raya holidays

Cuti tak lama - just took the standard public holidays and here I am, back to work on the 4th day of Hari Raya. Not that its anything out of norm. I usually let my colleagues take some extra day off after Hari Raya so that they can spend some time with their family. I'll claim mine one day when I have my own nucleus family - for the time being, I let others have their turn for a change.

I am grateful because this year I get to spend with my family back in Kuala Pilah for the first day of Raya, I have to admit I was a tad emotional inside because its the first raya without my mom. We get to the family cemetery after all the formalities are done in the early morning. It was my first time going back to my mom's grave after the funeral. It was quite a relief to see that its well tended to. There's a bit of growth here and there but nothing extreme - like some others. I felt a certain pang of sadness in my gut and said to myself I should make some time to come home more often. But then its not a good thing to dwell over it, I believe my mom wont want me to be sad.

My sister is heavily pregnant with her firstborn and I bet you think I must be joking because from the look of it, its like takde beza pun. Hahahaha. You should see her belly, Its super huge! Its like she's carrying a melon. I suddenly look thin in comparison. Well I am not that thin la. Berat sama je,

We get to visit a couple of relatives and by 2pm we're already back home all tired and sleepy. Slept till later when suddenly heavy rain fell and we are awaken to move our cars because its suddenly flooding where we parked. Oh yes, julung-julung kalinya la kampung aku yang panas kemarau tu hujan sampai banjir. Bertabah je la nak.

Here's a pic from where we use to have the tangga batu at my grandparents - tangga batu no more now tinggal that boring old sofa tempat lepak bila balik kampung.I kinda miss that tangga batu - but after my nenek renovated the upper part of the old house to lay flat on the ground, the tangga batu serves no purpose any longer. Except for tempat annual photoshoot - in which I think nenek I feels like its no longer necessary.

To some who are still on leave - enjoy the holidays! I'll be moving house on Friday so there's tonnes of packing to do. Sigh. Penat dah weyh - nasib baik la my husband so understanding dia tolong packkan everything, Barang dia 2 bag je. Barang aku 3 lori. Heheheehhe.


Friday, June 23, 2017


Its the last working day before Hari Raya and I just have to say no one is in the mood to work. I have been feeling  nauseous all morning - so lagi la takde mood kan. My hair was terrible. Rasa macam kena langgar bas. So I decided to just take some time to go to the salon and had a wash and blow sesh during the lunch break.

Thank heavens I did.


I went out feeling like a million bucks. Suddenly it felt like a huge weight was lifted and I was all happy and chirpy with my newly washed hair.

Tapi by the the time I masuk ofis balik tetiba moody balik.


Takpe la, less than an hour left to go before we call it a day and the long weekend awaits.


Selamat Hari Raya everyone. Maaf zahir batin. Have a safe journey!


Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Emergency fan problem....

My car had been acting up lately. The first time I saw red temperature blinking lights on my driver dashboard was last week on the way back from picking up my legal documents from Putrajaya. At first I thought its just out of water, so we refilled and moved on. Yesterday, whilst stuck in a jam on the way home after work, the same red blinking lights appeared and I suddenly went bonkers. I have a really bad feeling about it. Part of me is worried that my car might suddenly combust in the middle of rush hour traffic. Who knows what overheating can do. I was praying really hard for a safe journey home.

Thank God all was okay. But since its Ramadhan most workshops are closed quite early. So I decided to drop by the workshop early this morning instead.

Well thank heavens I didn't wait another day longer. Found out that my fan was no longer functioning, hence the overheating and the red blinking lights. It will take a day for the repairs to be done since they need to order the parts - and since the car is already in the workshop I got it serviced as well since it'll be due for servicing next 2 weeks anyway. 

The downside to it all is the cost of repairs. Sigh. With the moving house and new rental deposit (and raya, ehem ehem!) I definitely felt the pinch. Dah la masa baru nak kawin haritu I had to repair my engine mounting and lower arm as well which cost me an arm and a leg. 


Takpe la. Whatever it is safety comes first. Better be safe than sorry. All else hopefully will eventually work out.