I have been doing laundry all day.
Folding laundry to be exact.
Gosh. I have so many clothes. I can't believe it. I spent hours folding and I am still on to it. Penat okay. I still have loads to do, and I don't seem to have the time to do it. Sobs.
Work has been crazy. I wish I could blab about it. But I am just too stressed out to do so. All the signs of stress is apparent - the over-eating, the popping zits, the dandruff - soon there'll be massive weight gain, fatigue and depression. I felt like my emotions are running wild and patience running thin lately. Sangat tak stabil.
But then what to do?
Life's a wheel. This wheel is at its low end at the moment.
On the other hand....
A good thing is coming my way next weekend.
My silver lining.
Wednesday, October 8, 2014
Happy Eid'Adha peeps!
Back to work after a long weekend. My house was turned upside down - major spring cleaning is in progress at the moment. Thought that I can make the change over the weekend but then I was wrong. Sigh. I am such a hoarder. I have so many stuff. Sobs. Planned to give away some of it but ended up putting them back where I found them because I just can't live without them.
Anyways, things had been slow at the office. Nothing much can be done. Server was down. So I started off with the next big thing in my to do list - event planning. This past 2 years I am somewhat climbing up the event planning ladder - from being just a participant of events (which I love!! , I use to leave all the itsy bitsy things to my besties like Komala or Shahnaz who are more organised) to being a planner myself (because of late, the planners themselves can no longer be an organiser because they are now the ones to be celebrated upon).
I gotta tell you that planning an event is no joke.
Alas. Some things just need to be done.
So browsed a few places. Got a few quotes. Sent some emails. Its not even noon yet and I am experiencing massive butterflies in my stomach and I felt like vomitting.
What if this turns out to be a disaster?
Maybe I should call for reinforcements. And start delegating.
Still freaking out.
How the hell do some people manage to do this with ease? Perhaps I worry too much.
I better stop now.
Its just too early to lose my cool. Besides.....if it works out it'll work out no? An event is just one huge party.
Friday, October 3, 2014
Have you ever wondered or ever had a conversation the like of this?
"Sayang, You sayang I tak?"
"Hmmm. You sayang I?"
"Kenapa? Kena ada sebab ke kenapa I sayang you?"
*dalam hati - nak kena ada checklist ka?*
*Do you have one?*
Personally I never have one. Perhaps that explains why I can not hold a relationship for that long anyway. Sebab tak fokus. Sebab tak tahu apa sebenarnya diri sendiri suka atau tak. Always bagi peluang for myself to simply know others before I decide what kind of friendship it'll be.
Tapi tak rasa superficial ke kalau ada checklist and all? I am not perfect, then why should I impose perfection on others.
Kalau tak tick the boxes then tak payah consider?
I personally felt that matters of the heart is complicated. Its easier to explain law of gravity or talk about the solar system than explain the way you feel for a person. But then should I have a reason on why I am in love with a person, I would say simply because.....
*when I talk. And I talk a lot*
"because I like it when you smile"
*eventhough sometimes you look like you are trying too hard to do so....smiling is not something naturally tattoed on your face*
"because you make me laugh"
*and yes, your jokes are not lame, even when you classify it as a stupid joke"
"because you laugh at my lame jokes too"
*because I am an accountant and my jokes are usually not that funny*
"because unknowingly, you gave me what I needed....not what I wanted"
Okay zuraida....dah deep sangat tu. Susah nak explain nanti.
Maybe I will never find the best words to explain the why. I merely hope the fact that I do love means a greater deal.
*Its Friday - for funs sake lets crack the DVD and play 10 Things I Hate About You on repeat*
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Days had been rainy lately.
It rained during the day. It rained at night.
Makes the night colder. Longer.
At some point the cool weather is welcoming. After months of haze and draught, the rain is a breath of fresh air. Who wouldn't want to be under the covers and simply slip into dreamland in such coolness and stillness?
The rain and the cool weather made the mornings seems longer too. Its kinda hard to part ways with my bed - the plush pillows and soft duvet seems to keep calling my name back to its embrace. Hence, saying goodbye to morning yoga practices.
How I wish I am more disciplined.
Alas its already October. Should not give up just yet.
Its been about 3 months or so since I have been seriously practicing and I am starting to slip. My other commitments -work, study, personal - seems to be pulling me into a different routine alltogether this past couple of weeks , putting me about 3 weeks behind my standard 4 day a week practice. But then I tried to do self practice at home ; I still manage to muster enough energy to push myself on the mat for about an hour or so till my body gave in and my core trembles - but then I have to admit that its not as fun as having other to cheer you on bakasana and headstand.
*vain much? agakla*
But then my cart wheels are getting better. And I think I am working on my fear of falling as well, so I get up to a headstand with less difficulty. Of course, I am still dependant to the wall but then thats like better than nothing no?
Have plans to go back to the studio on saturday before the long Hari Raya Haji break.
God please give me strength. And motivation. And the courage to part ways to my oh-so-dreamy-bed.
Its raining outside. Heavily.
Hopefully the traffic wouldn't be a nightmare.
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
The past couple of days had been crazy at work. Okay, that's not true. Make it a week. Re-phrase that. The past week had been crazy at work. My colleague is off on maternity and we have been sharing responsibility around the office to cover the absence. I never thought there would be so much to do - the amount of work to process is just overwhelming. I barely had the time to take a 5 minute break all week - spent the whole 8 hours on my desk staring at my lappy like a robot.
Punch in. Punch out. Enter. Punch in. Punch out. Enter. Delete. Repeat.
All. Day. Long.
I tried to assure myself that things will be okay. In truth, I am so nervous stepping in for my colleague because I was so not used to using the accounting system. The first couple of days was stressful. But after day 3 things starts to get more familiar and I felt so much better.
Finally being involved with an actual month end closing this round, I can't help but felt a tad nervous when I step in to the office today. What if something goes wrong?
Keep calm. On my second cup of coffee for the day, the caffeine fix is definitely helping - but then the guilt inside is overwhelming.
Looked at the mirror today and didn't recognise the person staring back at me. Oh my. I am back to looking bloated and tired. At this point, I don't think make up will ever help. Pimples are popping out everywhere - a clear sign of stress - and I haven't even started working on my assignments yet. I should start on that. Otherwise after Raya Haji I met as well just kill myself because I must definitely need to submit something in class.
Boohoo. Going back to work.