Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Waking up at the wrong side of the bed

This past 2 days my nights has been restless. Despite all efforts (meditation, metta, lai-ching, practice headstands) I have trouble going to bed. So I end up sorting my laundry (3 weeks of laundry, so much baju and still I shout I don't have enough. I suppose the noise was so loud the guard just have to pay me a visit and tell me to stop doing my laundry because everyone else wanted to sleep), re-arrranging wardrobe, sorting through my massive amount of shoes (oh last night's count stood at 60 pairs, can you believe it?) - guess what, spring cleaning still hasn't ended. Halfway through my mind will be pre-occupied with something so I left things halfway, I seem to be somewhat out of focus and the house is still a pile of mess.

I end up sleeping after sahur sometime close to 3am. I must have been tossing and turning badly because I woke up with sore left shoulders.

And my neck is super stiff.

Sobs.

*susah bila emosi tak stabil ni*

I woke up to good news. But then I am not really sure whether its  gonna be really good or not. Because I just got a one liner and suddenly.....silence. Hmmm. I am so not good with silence. The fact that it gives mixed signals is a bitch. But then you can't force people to layan you all the time kan? So senyap je la. When people wants to talk then later pandai2 la diorang datang balik. Sigh. Taking a deep breathe, I try not to be bothered with things that are out of my control. So I pulled myself together, took a chill pill (literally) and sing in the shower like nobody's business till I feel good.

I suppose as time goes by I learnt to deal with things more gracefully and take things lightly. Okay la kan. Less stress is good. Was talking to Tina yesterday on being a bitch and she says "Kak Zu, I think you handled it pretty well. You are calmer these days. Kalau 10 tahun dulu mau merempan lagi teruk". Hmm, that not the exact quote but thats the gist of it. That's a direct response to the craziness I went through last Monday - yet again "all-of-a-sudden-silent" circumstances that could have been avoided if a certain someone someone could just give me a heads up but then its okay, I got over it.

Hmmmm.

I do age gracefully I suppose. Tina's right. If this happened 10 years ago I would have burnt someone's house down. Today I'm just okay whatever. Move on to the next agenda please.

Anyways, looking forward to iftar with my ex pwc girls later today. Its been a while since we play catch up. Its gonna be fun.

Just wish this shoulder ache will go away. Oh I should have slapped my bantal to my back before I left for office just now. Dang! 

Laters.

xoxo.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

The Fault in My Stars

Have you seen The Fault in Our Stars?

Everyone says its super awesome but frankly speaking, despite the incredible script, I think I'd go with Perks Of Being A Wallflower instead. But then, the love story might not really be that epic but it does raise a number of interesting point about living and love after life. If you are up for heavy drama then you should have a go at it, you might even like it.

But of course if you wanted fun then go and watch 22 Jump Street. Channing Tatum is hot and the movie is super funny. 8 out of 10 definitely.

Back to the TFIOS, my take from the movie is simply that despite all odds, everyone is capable of love. We may lost hope that it exist, but sometimes the best comes to us when we least expect it. It could be tough and hard, it could be easy and simple. It could also be complicated. No matter, it will come in due time.

I love the idea of loving without expectation. The one where you simply don't put pressure and love for what it is rather than what it could be. The thing about Hazel and Gus is that because they live by the day, they cherish what the have to the fullest, even the small bits in life - and make the best out of it. Sure they have dreams....but they are not afraid of disappointments and hold a grudge over it thus their love is expectation free.

What moved me most is Hazel's eulogy for Gus.....

"I can't talk about our love story, so I will talk about math. I am not a mathematician, but I know this. There is an infinite between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many days of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and for that, I'm eternally grateful."- Hazel's Eulogy For Gus, The Fault in Our Stars (2014)

Ain't that sweet?

*winks*

On the side to my dear chatterbox, in case you are reading this (in which case I don't think you do), I thank you for our little infinity. It does feel like forever, even when we merely have minutes.

Literary speaking.

And for that, I am (okay for now, perhaps eternally is too big a word) grateful.

xoxo.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Just as hope rings through laughter, it can also shine through tears - Maya Angelou

Today, the nation grieves over the loss of MH17.

The thought of being in between a cross fire and targeted warfare is often remote since I always believe that I grew up in a peaceful and loving country. But then I suppose nobody is safe these days.

#beyondwords

If we could all just stop fighting, let go and spread love and kindness, perhaps there is hope.

But humans are selfish, and in selfishness we err.

#staystrong

Thursday, July 17, 2014

How I am Gonna Deal With All My Clutter Pun I Seriously Don't Know

Barang siapa berani masuk my house now nescaya dia akan pengsan with the amount of mess that I have accumulated over the past few weeks.

*grin*

Tina claims that its not that bad. She came by twice over this past weeks with her kiddos and I made sure there are ample space for the kids to run around the house. Tak susah sebenarnya nak campak all my stuff into my 3rd room and pretend that all is good. But when they leave start la balik - the bags, the shopping bags, the baju-baju all macam termuntah keluar flowing to the living room.

Again.

Oh I so need a maid.

*drama queen la ni*

Nasib baik aku takde laki. Kalau tak masak la kena tinggal. 

I have been trying to do a bit of spring cleaning for weeks but then sangat la penggagal. There's just so much stuff. I macam confuse mana nak start. Start halfway one side and hours later there is still mess everywhere else.

Sobs.

But the raya is less than 2 weeks. Gotta sort it out before that.

Sigh.

Please pray for me.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Closet raid

Today pergi ofis bajet ayu.Ada iftar company after work today and takkan nak pergi iftar pakai the normal day to day wear. Scrambled through my baju kurung wardrobe dengan harapan that I don't outgrow my old baju kurung - I seriously need a nice one for today's company iftar and sumpah tak kuasa la nak pergi hunting baju baru. I know I have tonnes of presentable baju kurung and kebaya from the past and I usually don't wear tradional dresses to work. But then kalau ada yang fit to satu bonus. Gaining weight is a bitch. Depressing okay nak shopping time time badan naik ni. Everything is not a nice fit. The dreadful feeling masa masuk fitting room tu tak payah cerita la. Kalau boleh nak lari balik je rasanya.

Sobs.

Anyways, good news. Found a modern kurung kerawang circa 2012 and guess what, it fits perfectly. I remember 2 months back kain dia ketat nak mati. Seriously. It felt like a burden is lifted. Cepat-cepat selfie. Hahahaah. Saiko punya perempuan pagi pagi dah merempan. But then hati berbunga-bunga, because if I can fit in this I may be able to fit in some of my kebaya. 

*grin*

Should try them later tonight.

My mood was so good today I decided to go minimalist with accessories (yeah, no elaborate arm candies) and just done the kurung with a simple simulated diamonds I got from Lovisa's sale yesterday. It was on buy one free one and I thought it'd be nice to wear for Ani's wedding next month, but then still need to try it out to check whether I can survive beyond 4 hours with it sebab my sensitive skin can't take some type of metals kalau tak naik rashes.

Pic on insta. Malas nak upload kat blog sebab my lappy macam went nuts and lately susah nak mati nak view pics. Boohoo.

Well its 3 days to the next weekend! One that I am so looking foward to.

*winks!*

Laters.

xoxo.