Monday, September 7, 2015

Do you spotify? me la ketinggalan zaman ke whatever but I recently dabbled with spotify and gosh I love it way better than my AppleMusic.


Apple traitor.


Anyways my friend had been buzzing about this app since last year ad being an apple hardcore fan I said nah.....I can live without but omg they have way cooler playlist than AppleMusic in which buat I sangat la berbelah bahagi.


I don't know why but the playlist macam plays exactly the right music for work or play. Tak payah susah susah fikir nak create playlist sendiri or be stuck with one particulr singer - which I usually do when I'm on AppleMusic sebab the playlist macam to say? Dunno. But whatev's, with spotify I can also click jazz or house and omg in minutes I'm already grooving.

*major love*

Harus la tak lama lagi aku unsubscribe AppleMusic tu. And just keep whatever I have.

Oh its playing Selena Gomez's "Good For You". :). Now lets find that on Smule and try karoke over it.


Tuesday, June 23, 2015

New beginning

Happy Ramadhan everyone.

I have been taking my own sweet time transitioning into my new role. My last week in my prior workplace was cool...I managed to smoothly hand over my work, pack my bags and say goodbye to everyone a day before my last day because of my company's AGM. Its been a tradition that AGM day is usually the most laid back day since for the past 3 years - its good to get the chance to bid my farewell in person with people I have been working with over good food and conversation.


I have to confess that I almost felt a tad sentimental whilst giving my farewell speech to the department. Despite all odds they felt like family. It was nice of them to get me an IKEA gift card - will definitely put it to good use in the future.

Whilst everyone is expecting for me to get a couple of days (perhaps weeks) off before I start at a new place, I didn't even bother to unpack my stuff and started at the new office the next day. Within the same week I dragged my old stationeries (even my green froggie coin box) and unpacked them at my new (ehhhmm, sort of previously owned by me too) desk.

Dejavu much?

Hahahahah. Yeah.

Within the blink of an eye I was buzzing around the office reconnecting with familiar faces and before you know it, it's like I never left.

In a way being back gave me a tad of relief. Not that the workload will be any different - work is can pile up as we speak - but at least I get to work at a pace I am comfortable at. No more worrying not knowing about ad-hoc jobs. Not that I am complaining la. But too much ad-hoc jobs is not a good thing too. Plus the hours are more friendly. 

*Jangan aku tetiba bosan sudah. Yes, I know. Mengada la sangat*

But so far it has been good. Thank heavens it has been providing me with the escape I need from my emotional roller coaster. Focusing on work is always a good thing.

Now back to my to do list. 

Less than an hour to go before closing time. Till later. xo!

Monday, June 1, 2015

Its serious shit coz I'm counting days....


I tendered my resignation!

Okay this post is almost 2 weeks too late but what the heck.....tak tahan dah nak merempan.


I have been itching to leave for a long time. Obviously, I can't survive the crazy working hours. I am closing in to my 3rd year in my existing role as a corporate kucirat and I rasa some of my brain cells dah depleted for life dah - macam I dah used up my lifetime ability to run a think tank above my shoulders and light bulb moments seems dah almost non-existent. Nak contribute macam mana pun tak tau dah - I am mostly just exhausted and felt pushed around. I don't feel any form of self actualisation feeling at all.

They say lack of sleep can severely impact brain function. Add unhealthy eating habits and stress into the mix, I believe I am writing an early death cert for myself.

And I haven't even have children yet.


Some of my friends already have 4. Most of them are passing 2.

Imagine what will happen to my kids if I do sign on early to the boat heading to the afterlife? What will happen then? Poor kiddos.


Ah well....considering my t-leaving date gets nearer and nearer, my workloads gets lighter and lighter. Too bad its quarter close, so despite not being as cray cray as previous quarter, I still need to glue myself to my desk and work an extra mile so that I can clean up my desk as soon as the quarter deadline is over. I am also doing a paper this semester, which is due on 2nd august and I am still obliviously clueless on what I need to do. Kenapa la aku sign up sambung belajar ni - obviously I was out of my mind when I signed up a couple of years back and was over-confident on my ability to pull it through. Sigh. My batchmates are playing cheerleaders by my sidelines and keep on repeating over and over again that I am just over reacting and that all will be good once I put my mind into it but then that's just it.....what if my mind is not into it??

So far the only thing that kept me going is the money that I have invested (it came out of my retirement I am thinking 10, no 100 times on wasting it!) and the fact that Ikmal had vouched for my MyBrain grant last year - I don't want to dissapoint my guarantor, as much as I had invested in me....him signing on kinda shows that he believes that I can do it myself (In which now I am crawling macam snail!!!) - so no I can't dissapoint him.


I so need a holiday.

A bestie of mind from a former work place, Zita, is getting married on the 5th and I felt so bad for not being able to make it for her big day. Its on a Friday and in Penang and serving my notice, I can't take leave till my last working day so here I am bumped up. I so wanna go....I dah lama tak jumpa itu makcik and I know for sure if I see her I will be suddenly oh-so-positive because she is such a big ball of sunshine. Hopefully we could catch up either before or after the wedding. She would be busy, but gotta catch her before she boards back for Heathrow after the wedding.

Apart from that there is much to look out for this week such as....

...Shasha's bday do on Weds. Its been a while since we girls catch up so not to be the one neglecting her friends, I should start pencilling sessions in my calendar to make up for things and what better way to start than celebrating my bestie's birthday. cousin Veronica is coming to town on Thurs - my mom insisted we should meet. To bring my siblings too. Well okay ma, if she calls me we'll catch up. Poor girl have only a day in KL and she might want to party with her friends - cant be the program wrecker cousin now.


....oh gotta remind myself to call the girls for karoke. I need to karaoke. 


8pm and still at work.

Gotta sign out and get back to work.


Wednesday, May 27, 2015


Relationships are super exhausting.


Am I trying too hard?


It has never been this hard before. I feel like I'm going out of my mind. Sebab seriously, if its meant to be....why is it so damn difficult? Yang never meant to be dulu pun not as hard as this.


Okayla. Back to work.

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

10 minute rant

Off late, it felt like I am experiencing a premature summer hours minus the sun and the sand.

The days seems long (and longer) and nights cut short. My standard hours starts at about 8ish am to as late as 3am to 4am the next day - leaving only about 5 hours of downtime. I am not kidding when I sing song and kata I am swamped because I am seriously tired. 

And I have so much on my plate. Work is crazier than ever. Deadlines kept being pushed forward as if tomorrow's doomsday. Because I spent so much time at work my studies had been lagging. Tak buat sepatah haram pun reading (apalagi writing) during this 3 months study break. 

My motivation is super low.

Not that I don't want to excel - I felt a bit stuck there. Macam ada a huge road block in front of me and its taking a lot of energy to get through this.

Somehow yoga cushions the blow.

Been practicing a bit this past 2 weekends and had an amazing time during anna sugarman's workshop last saturday. For a moment, I felt a gush of energy, a form of lightness. In fact, I felt a lot better.

This lil yogi has so much peace and love her practice is exactly what I needed. Manage to get a couple of days of good night sleep over the weekend before work starts taking over my nights again yesterday.

So much for Mondays la kan. 


I have high hopes that this is not permanent though. This feeling of being stressed out, overworked, tired. I believe this is just a season - it too shall pass. Over the past couple of years I have been looking at my work demands and busy schedule positively - that its temporary and part of my future investment. But off late people close to me had been questioning my work commitments - to a point that its troubling me. Its not true to say I don't care. I somewhat care. And its bugging me.

It came to a point that it became so difficult I asked myself "apa sebenarnya end game ni? kenapa susah sangat?".

Trust me, no matter how solid and strong I look at the outside, aku ni sebenarnya hati tisu in inside. Lately banyak hari kot I try to hold back tears inside me and just take everything one day at a time.


So now....time for that one deep breathe and back to work.