Sunday, August 12, 2007

What a Weekend....the aftermath

My adrenaline was pumping all night yesterday...though i was home quite late, I can't manage to put myself to bed till around 3 am...I even manage to watch Armageddon at TV3. There is this quesy feeling after the whole Ika-drama episode that had made me left very very uneasy.I'm back at Starbucks for brunch today because Arif can't see me immediately...he had another surprised visit from a relative and nobody is around to greet them, so he has to stay back. Sigh...so her I am, bored to death, legs thumping with pain....(over kaki yang terseliuh...long story...).

Yesterday, after much chattering.....Ika, Ida and myself had something to eat at Dome.Ida was super hungry since she didn't have anything since morning, Ika was just too occupied worrying about what her ex-hubby just did.Pity Ida with her toothache and all....

I had a simple vegetarian bruschetta, I was not that hungry anyway and that is only to sustain me for dinner...if by any chance I'll get hungry.When we are awaiting the bill, by pure chance, En Syaiful appears at the street market. Wow...mamat ni panjang umur siot. We have been talking about him then, the suddenly there he was.Just imagine the utter shock in our faces.

Suddenly Ika left the table and went to the ex....

We waited for a while....but after a long wait, we decided to clear the tab, and go back to Starbucks, again...at least we can fool around with the wireless there...but we got to get to Ika and tell her we were moving away because she left her phone with us.

The scene was horrible...there was shouting and crying and cursing....by the time we manage to pull her away he starts to be so defensive that he won't let any of us go before talking...

En Syaiful: Zu, listen to me...
Me: Sorry....if you want to know how I felt just read my blog...u already raided it anyway...
En Syaiful: I have to tell people my side of the story....its unfair...what she said about me...

*he had his doe-eyed faced asking for understanding, but I just can't stand there

Me: I don't want to judge, but I pantang sikit lelaki like u, so its best that we don't talk...lagipun I don't appreciate what u did to my blog....its so....not appropriate.
En Syaiful:What's not appropriate?I had the right to say my piece....especially to all the people that put comments on her blog.
Me: Then take it off on her space, not mine....(I'm getting VERY boiled up already).....besides, I wrote nothing about you in my blog, I gave no personal opinion...there's not even a single entry on you until you dengan tak malunya attack my blog....
En Syaiful: Abis tu yang you tell me "to rot in hell" kat Ika's comment tu apa?
Me:It's a figure of speech (la dumbass!!!)It can mean anything...macam lantak la...lagipun my point is that if she think she deserves to get her nafkah and you are capable of providing it, she should get it from proper channel!!(I'm starting to raised my voice dy....maybe he is a dumbass yang tak gheti maksud tersirat!)

Then he starts shouting....

En Syaiful: U jangan jadi kurang ajar ye!

Apa?Me....at that moment...kurang ajar???
U haven't seen my kurang ajar yet buster....you are definitely lucky that I consider you a waste of time to even stay any minute longer.

Me: U want to know what's kurang ajar? This is kurang ajar...

So I turn...and strut away...showing him the "hand"

*Nicole added later : "Talk to the hand coz elbow is on holiday....hahahah!"

For a guy, he definitely lose control. And the way he reasoned out to her ex was definitely childish. They are as if two kids fighting for a candy...waiting for the other to give up so another can go away with the candy and enjoy it, while other cry in envy....

I pity them both....

I pity Ika because it's as if the pain she carries never seem to end, because she can't move on because her ex can't move on. It doesn't help when she spits fire back to his face and him, ego challenged, try to find a way to fight back.

I pity En Syaiful because I think he's a confused soul gripped by fear....I think a part of him was happy the marriage is over, another part (silently) held on, envy at the very sight that his (then) family might move on without him, be happier than him, and another guy came in to the picture capable of challenging him as father to the kids, ultimately erasing him from the picture.

He is afraid of ultimately losing a kid, after terribly failing as a husband.

And in amidst his fear, he had acted irrationally..as a matter of fact blindly...screaming for attention. He thinks none of the consequences he will faced...at least not in the long run. He doesn't know how to play it cool...let a little bit of his rein go to gain more access to his kids...envying his kids hugging another man, smiling to the camera.

That must be horrible and dreadful....

Man...they are your kids...no matter what happen, you don't have to be scared to lose them. If you have played your cards right, you will never lose them. So why must you be scared???

Its too bad you can never work it out with Ika....but it's never to late to be a good father.

My mom always remind me of my dad...."Remember, whatever happens, he is still your dad, nobody can change that". I came from a broken family too...and maybe my situation was even worse (or even better...who know?), because for a while I grew up without my dad...but though he was not physically present, there is no mistake in knowing that he was always there and he (at least) cared for our well-being.

If we want to complain about scarcity....I can say that there was never things provided enough by my dad all these years....but hey, where do we draw a line whether its enough or not??? At least I grew up well, both my parents provided for my well being, my education...everything I have now (my life, my job etc) I owe it to BOTH of them, and the lack in a parent, is covered by another. I know that though my mom tended to emotional needs (and also financial, whichever she may), my dad provided me with my tuition fees, my food, my books....and though he might not be any greater than any other people's dad and rarely provided us (his kids) with luxury....he didn't abandon me and my siblings...he took care of us...and I can never hate him but feel respect and gratitude, no matter what he had done before, or whatever he might do later...he is just simply my dad.

What if my mom had married another, would be any different? Maybe, maybe not....but still my dad did his best.

So why act irrationally En Syaiful? Take a step back and think of your kids. Do your best, and let God do the rest. If you love your children so much, time will show them how much you cared, one way or the other....you will never lose them. But to be able to do that you must be in good terms with their gurdian, the mother...and knowing Ika, she won't stop you from seeing your kids if you have acted responsibly.

Besides, she can't deny paternal rights....she needs her kids to know and be loved by their father...so that one day, when the kids starts asking, it'll be easier to explain, and less trauma to the kids...u get me right??? She can complain all she wants, but you have to understand, women complain all the time...that's just a way for them to release their frustrations. It might sound bad, hurtful....but to say such things means thay hurt inside too.....

You say people may make bias judgements, and you need to set it straight. Well, again I point...action speaks louder than words.Do the right thing....provide as you can, visit the kids often, make peace with the family, move on quietly....people who watch will see, maybe if you are lucky one day Ika, not knowing, will start saying good things about you too...you don't need to scream and shout to prove a point....just do what you have to the right way as best could. People can talk as much as they want....you can never silence everyone...but if you are a good guy one day everybody will know that you are good...maybe its just later, then you need a little bit of patience....

So hang on there...think and do the best that you can. I hope you all the best.

*note: my mom is on good terms with my dad....and we get by as one big happy family......amen!
**Mommy!!!I Love U Lots!!! (yeah..and dad too..hehehe...thanks!)

5 comments:

one of the bloghopper said...

wow, wow.. ur blog is damn interesting. full of dramas :)

hmm..not evrybody face the same situation as wat ur friend had faced. it must be very painful for her.. having a husband who committed adultery while she was pregnant..man..dats inhuman! he really shud rot in hell! i think there must be more stories behind it, only ur friend knows. i can imagine how she suffered and he wants her to continue suffering.. so so inhuman! if i were her, i wud not even let him touch the kids! ask him to make new babies instead with his dreamgirl :)

TiNa HusSaiN said...

zue,

this is messy. dont get too involve la. it wont do u good. i know you love your friend but she's big enough to handle this on her own, dont u think?

mz ayam said...

Hi there,

I do agree with tina hussain...They're old enough to make their own decisions. And you don't want the $hits to hit you, innit. :) Take care babe.

zie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Zuraida said...

Zie...

people have so moved on...yang u pegi baca entry lama tu sape suruh???

Nobody cares anymore of ppl who self-inflict pain...