Wednesday, September 5, 2007

My Wandering Mind...

I was bloghopping (in between chatting with ika and rummaging through the files to catch up with the updating bit I'm suppose to work on) when I found a story of a broken heart.

To come to think about it...this is the first broken heart story I've heard in weeks (except the bruahah's we all know about in early August...ish ish...nasty..), and as I read through, I can't help but feel emotional as well.

*Lama dah aku tak emo ni....terasa nak mengalirkan air mata pun ada.

Well, to those who are suffering from broken hearts out there, just try and remain calm and take one day at a time. I understand that no matter what people say, or do, to make you happy, it's a turmoil inside there....and only one person knows what's happening inside best...that is you!!!Keep strong, because seriously, you wouldn't know how strong you are till you are tested, and believe me, if there is a will, there is a way.

I had my share of broken hearts too...well, life won't be colorful if there's no pain in it right?Of course, we adore the rosy bits....but every rose has its torns....

After much consideration and deliberation, I realise that my past heartbreaks are among the things that made me stronger, and that there is no point in pointing fingers as to why we broke up.....the relationship simply just won't work because it won't work...no matter what the circumstances are. Call it a cheating boyfriend (or you cheating them), a rejectful parent, a third person...every circumstances arises from a ripple effect of the environment (a cheating bf may wander because he feels inferior/superior/lonely, a rejectful aparent may prefer another candidate etc)...so nobody is entitled to 100% blame on a bad outcome of a relationship....everybody (or everything) contributes something... so why bother holding grudges and keeping bad memories?

**hahah...sometimes out of fun...suka2 goss ngan friends....tapi kalau 24 jam asyik mengutuk ex partner sampai over a month penat jugak kan???its draining okeh!!

Tapi what's in the past is in the past...and we shouldn't let the past drag us down kan? We should define the moment, make the best out of it, move on.

Maybe make it a turning point to achieve new goals...

When I broke up with my ex last year...it was so messy, I wish I can just appear in another time quantum (where parallel life exist and this thing never happened) and live another life, where what had happened was just a bad nightmare. But reality was cruel...they have no loopholes to allow me to do exactly that so I went on...a day at a time (while confronting my ex's psycho try-to-make-up-but-if-u-reject-i-keep-on-harrasing-you antics) and lay down a fresh set of rules for me to follow;

1. I don't want a relationship like I use to have anymore - so no turning back (heehe!I turn back 4 times with that guy....the 5th time, I met arif, my eye opener, the rock that stood beside me, and never look back....damn I love him).

2. I am going to make myself better - I want a better life - better job, better social involvement, better family interaction - so I need to work on that. That took my mind of a lot of things....my focus to my self-actualisation goals - and attention from arif, hahaha, I have a rock that stood by me, lucky me!. Since then I changed my job, I move to a new home, I got engaged - so far its been better than before, when the relationship is always on a rollercoaster, and me, not knowing how I might end up - despite the day to day ups and down, I feel blessed.

3. I want stability....that's where my rock comes in....again, arif, you make me feel truly blessed.

*arif, arif, arif....ni break up heartbroken ke ape? well, i do felt heartbroken....then i dok makan hati a few months dy before we actually broke up...my ex ingat i main2 ok....sigh!!!

I learn to live with the past, let go of things...come to terms with how stupid I was....and that it'll be a lesson for me (damn...wasted 3 years)....but then if it doesn't happen maybe I won't get to where I am now, right? So pro's and con's ....lets just look at the bright side. In a way, it does make me a better, happoer person.

So see heartbroken peeps....when all the turnoil is over....it wouldn't be that bad.

Sure, there will be lonely nights, and times when we wish that certain things happen in a certain way...don't we all have that, even if we never felt a heartbreak?People who are happy all their lives would at times wonder what would happen if they make a certain decision differently, how things can be different....it's just part of being human. I enjoyed the company of friends and family while I was at my utmost fragile, and it gave me enough comfort to confidently take my next move and carry on.

And its not wrong to cry...if it makes you feel wayyyyy better. Rather than driving yourself nuts trying to pretend to be happy when you are not. Don't worrry, people will understand....they have to!!! (right gals?)

Ok la...dah terlebih membebel2 pulak...orang semua dah keluar lunch ke?

4 comments:

dazzledalie said...

Was it my blog?

heheh.

i'm ok now. and thanks anyway, for the support.

btw, i'm one of your junior in taiping. :)

Zuraida said...

yeah...hahaha...small world...

junior i??sape?Don't tell me u are one of them yang selalu kejut i pagi2 suruh pergi sekolah sebab I selalu overslept??

dazzledalie said...

No lah. That's che tun. she was next to your jkk room. or was it safina? siti? oh i can't remember either. and probably u won't remember me too. i'm dahlia. nice to stumble upon you again! :)

(probably calling you akak is not relevant anymore hahaha)

Zuraida said...

hmmm

nice to meet you again too...

call me akak?that's so yesterday, you don't have to...hehehe...sebab kat ofis ni i ada junior younger than me by 4 to 5 years and they call me zu...it works just fine...

tapi tina degil nak panggil i kak zu...wawa pun...hahahah!so suka hati korang la...heheh