Lady bos (big big bos) amat marah....her wrath is seeping thru my veins and I feel so quesy ever since I got her mail befor lunch! Macam phoenix rising! I lost my appetite, my focus,my motivation....rasa nak lari je.....or hide somewhere, but then, I did not feel that I did anything wrong, so kenapa mesti i menyorok?
Kesian arif...I was feeling so uneasy, I had cut our lunch date short and insisted him to send me back to office...I only nibble on the two bits cheese fingers and a cup of hot milo for lunch....sangat sangat resah tak tau nak buat macam mana.
I dah fed up with this project...it was so messy...entah hujung pangkal mana ntah yang land on my desk and we all have to desperately come up with something out of nothing (literally)...kalau aku akauntan tempat ni....2 minggu agaknya dah mati heart attack (hmm...ntah macam mana la orang2 kat sana survive, I wonder...).Sekarang ni kecoh pulak, hidupku yang aman dah tiba2 bergoncang..sigh!!!!
I felt that justice is not done on me.....but I tried my best...so I have to make them see that.
Lagipun...if it were up to me...I would have thrown away all the rubbish that they sent to us....but everyone (the bos, the client, the accountant...hmmm....everybody) insisted that all had been passed through...everything we need is there...where in fact, only God knows that nothings is ever delivered as expected and we have to rummage through scraps!!!!Dan kami yang kucirat ni la menjadi mangsa keadaan.....sigh sigh sigh...
I hate to talk about bad news....its not lovely, its not positive....but buck up!This is just a hiccup!You are better than this!There is nothing to be scared off!
**See...aku yang nampak amat confident ni pun sebenarnya penakot jugak...sigh!!!
Over the years I found difficulty to express my opinion to people who has more authority than me...macam lack of self-esteem...but I am trying my best, in learning better ways to communicate. Bukannya apa, sometimes I don't feel comfortable of explaining things to people who seems to look at you with a judgemental eye...it is as if they are skinning you alive before you even explain yourself...
I need to meditate (or chat more with Tina) to calm myself....
Agaknya ni semua side-effects of being in audit....it either make you emotionally strong or worse, emotionally scared....I happen to get the latter....entah manager mana ntah yang buat aku macam ni, dulu masa sekolah takde pun penakut macam ni (oh now I recall one very scary Lion Lady...aargh...the thought of her pun still pass me shivers down my spine).