Thursday, December 18, 2008

How Am I Doing???

Last night I didn't get to sleep. Hours passed, i think some time at 4am there is a slight stint of more or less like a sleep when I feel as if my body is light in the air, but then after a few seconds there is a round of shots burst in my gunshots.

Seriously aku ingat that time aku kena tembak.

And it was going on non-stop. Macam kena tembak dengan M16 then I realised I start to panic.

Then, I opened my eyes.

I was coughing.


The next hour I became friendly with the toilet seat as phleghm continuosly try to pave their way out of my human body. Mixed with vomit of whatever food I have consumed less than 24 hours prior. I hate this part - the part where I am almost glued to the toilet seat, sick to the bone...limp.

By the time it was over I heard the azan.


Now, that means I didn't sleep (almost) all night and my eyes are dried up like a dry well. Painful.

I didn't know what time exactly I went back to bed, but I was awaken by shena. Nasib baik. Kalau tak terbabas lagi pagi ni. Baru berazam whatever the cost I want to turn back into my workaholic-self and just go on with work, work and work and the next day dah datang lambat.

*In which I meant it. Sumpah lepas ni aku mula gigih bekerja. Because at the end of the day my employers won't fire me the way I got fired yesterday. so they definitely deserve more loyalty now*

Despite that, I didn't wake up and shower immediately. I lost almost half an hour terduduk atas katil.Bila I tengok jam tiba-tiba I panik (again) sebab I tak tau macam mana I could have lost the half an hour sitting still at the corner of the bed.

Sigh. Dah mula dah.

Over the pass 6 hours I manage to pull myself together, go to work. Sit at my desk. Try desperately to suppress my tears. Burst into tears when zie called for almost half an hour. In no particular order.

I even skipped team lunch coz I felt sick to the bones and vomit. Again.

Maybe I should go back home and sleep it off. But I know, if I am at home I will start crying again, so it's better that I sit in office.

I thank many concerned friends that had occupied my time earlier today, with support. But seriously, if you haven't heard my voice and see how devastated I am (like zie did), you won't feel my pain and brush this off as pre-wedding arguments. It's not just a disagreement.

It's a disgrace and my men is not even fending for me.

So where does that leave me?


zie said...

Babe...finding escape through work works every time.

I pung akan kerja teruk-teruk sampai stress kerja...bila I ada masalah.

Be strong, kay and my prayers will always be with you.

Tina Najib said...


dont think abt it too muck ok? otherwise u'll get sick.. im sure things gonna be fine..u just hang in there ok?