Friday, January 30, 2009

I hate this part right here....

Over the past 24 hours, there's just so many things that has been said and done that I just hate that it had happened. Sigh. Not that I want that to happen intentionally, but at some point those are actually issues that need to be addressed.

To come to think of it, a wedding is a double edged sword. At times, its a dagger. It can either make a marriage, or break a marriage.

I hate to broach the subject but aren't issues best addressed before the heading for wedded bliss rather than after?

Some must be handled at present.

Sigh.

So as I discussed with Arif my confusion and issues, I can't help but be sorry for the poor guy.

There he stood trying to make sense of my babling nonsense and asking me one ultimate question I can't answer...

"So, where do we go from here?"

There's a phase when everything was so queit. I am at instance at lost of words and not sure what I should do or what I want.

I credit the fact that he do love me. That he tried his best to please me. But somehow at some point it seems like there's a missing piece of me out there. Everytime I tried to speak up I fear of dissapointing him, the family, my friends....and the list goes on. So its kept bottled up inside.

But then I can't wait till after the wedding night to talk about it either.

So I had been bidding time. Trying to not think too much.

Trying to not think at all.

But that's just stupid.

I should have talked about it 6 months ago. Or one year ago. I should have said something....

Jeez....this is awful.

I don't know whether its the right thing to do (or otherwise) but I can see the hurt and dissapointment in his eyes.

My eyes have hurt and dissapointment too....the thought is overbearing.

Nak buat macam mana ni??

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