Over the past 24 hours, there's just so many things that has been said and done that I just hate that it had happened. Sigh. Not that I want that to happen intentionally, but at some point those are actually issues that need to be addressed.
To come to think of it, a wedding is a double edged sword. At times, its a dagger. It can either make a marriage, or break a marriage.
I hate to broach the subject but aren't issues best addressed before the heading for wedded bliss rather than after?
Some must be handled at present.
So as I discussed with Arif my confusion and issues, I can't help but be sorry for the poor guy.
There he stood trying to make sense of my babling nonsense and asking me one ultimate question I can't answer...
"So, where do we go from here?"
There's a phase when everything was so queit. I am at instance at lost of words and not sure what I should do or what I want.
I credit the fact that he do love me. That he tried his best to please me. But somehow at some point it seems like there's a missing piece of me out there. Everytime I tried to speak up I fear of dissapointing him, the family, my friends....and the list goes on. So its kept bottled up inside.
But then I can't wait till after the wedding night to talk about it either.
So I had been bidding time. Trying to not think too much.
Trying to not think at all.
But that's just stupid.
I should have talked about it 6 months ago. Or one year ago. I should have said something....
Jeez....this is awful.
I don't know whether its the right thing to do (or otherwise) but I can see the hurt and dissapointment in his eyes.
My eyes have hurt and dissapointment too....the thought is overbearing.
Nak buat macam mana ni??