Friday, February 6, 2009

The Day I Snapped.....and Everything Went to Pieces

Its been days already, but I am still a bit traumatic. I can't believe what just happened, that somehow I am suddenly lost and confused and numb....the feeling is one of something that can't be described.....in which at the end, I admitted defeat and raised my white flag.

How can I put this out to the world???

Simple....I lost my mind. I snapped. And I bailed.

The wedding is permanently OFF. Not Delayed. Not Postponed in any way.

NOT.HAPPENING.EVER.

Let me count the reason(s) why.....

Hmmm...there's only one. At least there is only one main reason. I simply don't feel like going through it anymore.

And apart from that there are other sub-reasons....like....

Hmmmm....

I just can't put them into words.

Maybe its just enough for both of us to know why. It just hurt like hell.

My days are still a bit of a blur. When I woke up in the morning I felt angry, and sad....angry because the house I live in is like a hamster den....that I have to put on a normal face (and spent all morning searching for my "normal face" mask) and go to work as if nothing happened. Sigh. If I just can leave everything and jet out to timbuktu I would, but my family does not own a private jet.Sad because I feel so tired. After all this month of holding up a strong front I felt very very exhausted. And because of that, resulting to me being uber lazy and a broken down home.

Seriously, I wonder how I can ever exist there. There's clothes and shoes everywhere. And its sickening.

I spent the last 3 nights crying. Its not liberating at all. Though a part of me is relieved that its finally over but there's another part of me that's somehow very very sad and devastated.

Sigh.

We part on good terms though. So its not as if I'll be writing hate-mails in my blog about my ex for the next few months.

My ex.

It stings at just the mere mention of it.

10 comments:

Shmea said...

omg kak zue. r u serious?? can't this be amended? jgn terburu2 kak zue. i'm sure u can talk things out with your fiance. but if u need us or anything, bagitau je k. xoxo.

I am a mommy to be said...

k.zue. u okay? errmm.. if u need anything, just let me know k. im serious. take care. i really hope that everything will turn out to be okay. really hope. u take care ya.

mummy+son+dotter said...

beb, i seriously think that u need a break. take leave will ya?

i was there too zue.. n mmg takleh buat keje.. n i just feel like running away.. so, pls take few days off ok.. relax ur mind.. do nice things for urself..

elle said...

my prayers always with u..

zie said...

Zue, when i called just now , I tak tau yang the wedding is off.

Sompah tak tau. Hang in on there kay. Be strong girl, there will be a better man waiting for you.

Anonymous said...

Hi Zue,

I've been a silent reader for a while now but just had to write today to give you a virtual hug. I'm so sorry this had to happen now and so close to the wedding, but Allah(swt) knows best. I pray for you to find true happiness in the future and that you will see the silver lining in the clouds that are hovering over you now.

Take care of yourself and understand that everything happens for a very good reason. If it wasnt meant to be, nothing anyone can do will ever change that.

*HUGS*
Naz

Tina Najib said...

babe,

call me!

hugs!

Anonymous said...

hi zue... I didn't know u personally. Tinggal jejak pun this is my first time...

I x have much to say.. For me, things happen for a reason. Maybe whatever happen for the better. Sabar banyak2... Jaga diri baik2, try go for a short break, jgn lupa tuhan and remember that u have ur family, close friends and us (org yg baca blog u everyday.. ;) on yr side...

Take care babe!!
Linda

syahnaz said...

*hugs*

shasha said...

eh babe..i just found out...dan tak sangka sangat2...all the while i just be a silent reader..and also found out that kita adalah jiran2 disebelah OU...i've been following ur wedding entry...tapi tiba2 jadi macam nih?..be strong babe!!..i know u can...