Its been days already, but I am still a bit traumatic. I can't believe what just happened, that somehow I am suddenly lost and confused and numb....the feeling is one of something that can't be described.....in which at the end, I admitted defeat and raised my white flag.
How can I put this out to the world???
Simple....I lost my mind. I snapped. And I bailed.
The wedding is permanently OFF. Not Delayed. Not Postponed in any way.
Let me count the reason(s) why.....
Hmmm...there's only one. At least there is only one main reason. I simply don't feel like going through it anymore.
And apart from that there are other sub-reasons....like....
I just can't put them into words.
Maybe its just enough for both of us to know why. It just hurt like hell.
My days are still a bit of a blur. When I woke up in the morning I felt angry, and sad....angry because the house I live in is like a hamster den....that I have to put on a normal face (and spent all morning searching for my "normal face" mask) and go to work as if nothing happened. Sigh. If I just can leave everything and jet out to timbuktu I would, but my family does not own a private jet.Sad because I feel so tired. After all this month of holding up a strong front I felt very very exhausted. And because of that, resulting to me being uber lazy and a broken down home.
Seriously, I wonder how I can ever exist there. There's clothes and shoes everywhere. And its sickening.
I spent the last 3 nights crying. Its not liberating at all. Though a part of me is relieved that its finally over but there's another part of me that's somehow very very sad and devastated.
We part on good terms though. So its not as if I'll be writing hate-mails in my blog about my ex for the next few months.
It stings at just the mere mention of it.