'Well, you've never been in love! So what would you know about it? Josh is a real man, with real feelings and real love, something you know nothing about. And you can think what you like, but I really believe I can make things work. I really believe Josh has deep feelings for me...'
'Its not enough to believe!' Sadie's voice is suddenly passionate; almost savage. 'Don't you see that, you stupid girl?'You could spend your whole life hoping and believing! If a love affair is one-sided, then its only ever a question, never an answer. You can't live your life waiting for an answer.'
-Twenties Girl by Sophie Kinsella , page 222
Zoom straight to the second para, sounds familiar?
I bet I have said that countless of times, in between rationalising myself that things (as in the breakup) shouldn't have happened the way it did and despite what is happening at the moment, he still loves me and cared for me.
But then newsflash.
He's moving on with life as if I never existed. Happily replaced me with another women who in an instant, is doing all the things we did together till the day he decided its over. Someway somehow it seems like my absence did not leave a significant impact in his life.
So tell me again...why am I hoping??
Yes, pretty ridiculous.Exactly.
The fact is for a while I still cling to a dash of hope. I deludedly think its faith. But then, when I think about it repeatedly, whats the point of being in a relationship when he doesn't care? Where there's only one party that has faith, or hope or dreams?
It takes two to tango, and despite how strongly I felt against the situation, Sadie's right.....if there's only me believing in it, it will never be enough.
*Nanti sakit hati je makan hati sampai ke tua. Sigh*
I think the possibility of whats out there scares me, and that now that I am stepping out of my comfort zone, I should start having a little bit of faith in myself and believe that I will be able to achieve better things in life.
Like self-actualisation. Personal fulfillment. And perhaps....a better (more deserving) guy.
And I shouldn't let a question hold me back a lifetime. We all deserve an answer.