Saturday, October 20, 2012

At the bottom of the wheel again.....

I am sitting in a consultancy lecture but then my head is practically no where in the building. The past couple of days had been tough - it's been a gruelling struggle to get a grasp to reality over what had happened recently. I had been so happy the past 6 months that I forget that the inevitable can happen - love can be lost, people die, good days can turn bad - I felt as if I was struck by lightning.


I am dazed and confused. For the first time of my life I lose self-focus , my attention span is like Dory the fish in Finding Nemo. I thought my broken engagement was the worst thing that could have happened to me - well now I found out that I was wrong. At least back then I can still get a grip and function at work. Now I'm falling apart and every single minute feels like torture.

Hate to admit that one man can break me in such a way. Hate that I actually loved that guy, and after all the emotional bashing and hurt, still does. He walks away in the most demeaning way possible and I am still crazy about him, but there is nothing I can do about it. 

I can't make him love me. I want to be with someone who can honestly accept me for who I am, what I can be and will still love me when I go through bad days.

Talking about it hasn't been easy. Living through it is even harder. There are good days and bad days - mostly bad days, - but its such a roller coaster its driving me insane. Sigh. I tried to keep a strong front, I have never been a crybaby but when I am all alone at home or at my most vulnerable moment, all hell breaks lose and my fort got blasted with canons so huge I end up in pieces, over and over again. I am at the extreme emotional state I can't see black from white anymore. Everything is grey.

Worse still, I feel alone. 

Can't let him do this to me. Gotta get myself back.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Fool that I am....

In class. That's nothing new. But for the past 2 weeks everything flew around in a massive blur. Of course, I am affected.Unstable.Emotional. 

I am trying my best anyway. Beats being treated like crap day in and day out.

I took the seat behind my lecturer and midway through presentations got to do these...

Do not try this in class. You just might get caught.

Note to self : Need to snap out of this. Shouldn't let him drag me down.

Confused in the box of love. Praying that I can find peace, somehow.

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Pics from Phnom Penh Day 4 and 5

Sorry, it took a while before I get to get to my final Phnom Penh travel post. As usual my calendar is crazy. I definitely need to do something about it. *grin*. After 2 weeks being home I definitely miss the slow pace back in Phnom Penh - the air was clean, there was definitely no stress, the people was friendly, massages is super cheap - sigh, I wish its an hour drive away.

There is always Ipoh or Penang. Silly me.

Back to my travel babble.

Nothing much to share about day 4 and 5 besides my adventures along the riverside. Its really sad that it rains almost every noon while I was there, thus limit my ability to go and venture out of town. It would have been great if I could. But then I suppose I needed the rest anyway - so I manage to enjoy the rain and just chill at my favourite cafe's with a book.

Oh I miss their coffee. Its not too bitter not too sweet. They have Illy coffee everywhere - forget Starbucks and Coffee Bean.But I have too much of those anyway back home and for the first time in my life I get to appreciate Illy coffee and realise that it's definitely much much better that what I am used to at home.

The walk across one end to another end of the riverfront stretches to about between a 1km walk - if you're a  alking enthusiast you can start from Wat Phnom, go down to the famous jetty where they have the sunset crusie boat rides, pass the Titanic - a huge boat restaurant that serves yber delicious garlic buttered baguette (a must have! freaking crispy!) then stroll across the river front pubs and cafe's to finally get to the Royal Palace and Silver Pagodas and finally the Dragon Centre.

If you're there on weekends, they will have the Night Market open from about 7pm onwards. I don't get to to because I was there on Monday and left by Friday noon - and I heard the market stays open for a while. The space covers a compound of a third of the size of Chattucak market in BKK so I think it should be fun to be at if you get the chance to do so. The night market is located about 5 minitues distance from the Titanic and the jetty - you definitely won't miss it.

Some pics of the walk along the riverfront......

The riverfront is definitely a community area. You can see people jogging and exercising there every evening, and on Wednesday evenings you can see them do group aerobics. Feel free to join in....everybody seems to have fun moving about and it looks like a big aerobics flash mob from the rooftop. What interest me is that they have this open air gym with exercise machines that you can use. Nice kan.....while you cycle or do steps you get to face the riverfront?

Kan best if they have it in lake garden ke? Putrajaya?

But then if we do have would we go?

That's the view of the Royal Palace and the Silver Pagodas. If you're not into museum and local culture this is definitely not your forte but I am a sucker for history and it awes me that there are similarities in other cultures to ours and that despite all our differences, we shared the same roots.

Plus I hate to admit this but I love seeing statues.

The Palace has its specific open and close times so while waiting for the noon session I walked straight pass the palace to Naga EntertainWorld aka the Dragon Centre.

Don't be fooled. Its not a shopping mall. Its just a huge casino. The only designer boutique they have here is Cartier and you won't find anything else. Unless you gamble, this place won't tickle your fancy. I was dissapointed....I was expecting something like Marina Bay Sands but then hey, wishful thinking la ni.


They Dragon Centre has posh restaurants with quite reasonable price range. Of course because its meant for high rollers, the deco was posh and nice. I manage to skim through the menu and for the place and what they are offering, the price is not bad at all.

So maybe it's something you guys want to check out. The posh restaurants. Nothing outside this place is going to be more posh than this.

I took the tuk tuk from the centre back to the Royal Palace and Silver Pagoda's in time to make the que for its noon session. Entry is USD5.25. Enjoy the pics!

Its a palace. They have such a huge compound. I can't imagine how people could ever live there. If you need a guide you can hire one at the entrance. Of course, being a solo traveller I can always roam alone and then eavesdrop on the guides explaining history to their hirer. Just don't start asking questions - then it might get awkward.

Last but not the least, the pics from Wat Phnom.

Wat Phnom is atemple built on the lady founder of Phnom Penh. I thank God that the steps are not as scary as Batu Caves. Surrounded by mini temples on its way down, the place crawls with tourist and worshippers alike. I spent about 5 minutes to reach the top, and spent quite some time looking at the murals on the walls. The uncles at the temple is quite friendly, or perhaps he was just bored or in need of a person to talk to so he explained to me the whole legend about Sita and Rama and whatnot. Its the same legend like the ones in the Bali Kechak dance -but the paintings are like all over the walls like the ones you might see in a dome in Venice or Rome.

Okay, it may not be as extravagant as Venice or Rome but then you get what you mean.

At the end of it all its good to just sit back, relax and enjoy a good cup of coffee.

I have been getting emails to write on travelling solo. I know, its scary to brave the unknown on your own. I have that fear as well. That's coming next. So stay tuned.

Friday, October 5, 2012

Messed up...but I miss you...

I am pretty messed up now...physically, emotionally....i hate to admit that at some point I am at my low point of the year, thats for me to know and deal with, but I can't deal with the unknown and will just mess me up more.

The fact is if I do not have feelings, I won't be reacting the way I do. I was a bit scared that things may go lost in translation...that somehow we misunderstood each other but then one thing remains true.

I miss u.

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