Saturday, November 24, 2012

Turning tables and leaving the rest behind...

It seems like the only time I have to blog these days is when I am in class.....in between class lecture and presentations. Before I ramble on any further let me show you what class is like these days....


 Two of my closest DBA buddies....Liew & Mazlan. We enrolled the same day and took a few of the same class together. I don't think I can ever make it this far if they were not around. My classes are usually quite small and I am usually in a very confused state, so yes, to be here this far is astonishing.


I am obviously stressed out. Exam week starts this week, and with the new job and the wreckage at home....things to be super out of hand. The new workplace is definitely a salvation - the workload and long hours did help me bounce back and focus on new things, so I am no longer in zombie mode missing someone who didnt really care about me. I suppose I need to let bygones be bygones. Close one door as other door opens up - so I am not going to waste the opportunity I have now.

By the way, its his lost. :p

Why the hell am I rambling about this?

Have you guys watched the new twilight movie? I am a diehard TwiFan....mesti la I dah tengok! Muahahahahh!!!! And omg, I have to say that's the best twilight installation  and a good ending for the saga. A must watched. And if you are there, do brace yourself for more of Taylor Lautner's hot bod episode. Its as if he's putting it all out so that we won't miss him more when all of the schbang is over.

Manage to go for the Tun Sri Hasmah debut theater last week before the show wraps its curtains....




There you go...comel kan? I have to say the show was fantastic. They have quite a strong cast and I enjoyed  the night.  Kudos to Lisa Surihani and Eja for bringing life to the show. 

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Another day another entry....

Oh I can't help myself listening to repetitive stuff so I am shutting down the student side of me and ramble here instead. I hate to write sad stories (in which I have been doing quite a number of times lately) so I decided that perhaps its just best for me to shut up while I heal myself. Okay, I know...some don't agree with this. I also believed that it's best to vent out your frustrations so can you can close the case and immediately move on but I realised that over a month had lapsed and I am not getting any better.

In fact there are times when I just get even worse.Or confuse. So to hell with pouring my hard out. Let's try something else.

On awal muharram holidays I bought a ticket to watch Istanbul Aku Datang. Wow, an eye opener.  I can so relate. And damn D is one lucky girl....


If I get to leave everything and start over and find love as sweet as in IAD I would just leave and do it. What the heck. For a moment I actually believe everything could be fine again.

Sigh.

Young love. I believe I use to be that optimistic, alas I suppose age changes you.

Yet the movie is an excellent one - now I put Lisa Surihani as one of my favourites after Fazura and Maya Karin. You think Lagenda Budak Setan 2 can beat that? On top of an easygoing and fun story line, the movie is shot in a super nice location and the soundtrack cam best. I give the movie an 8.5 out of 10. And then nanti nak beli the CD and the DVD. hahahahhah.

Yeah when I love something I psycho much.

In order to move on I am now embarking in yet another new challenge. Yesterday, I started my day in a new job. New role....new responsibilities. New faces. Hopefully this can give me the distraction I need and the strength to stand back on my own two feet - now better than ever.

Wish me luck?

xoxo. Till later!

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

In the dark I sit and wait.....

Just got home after a long day and all I wanted is to have a long hot bath. But the rain was pouring like cats and dogs outside wand the weather is just too chilly, a long bath just seem like a bit much. So I dropped my keys in the usual key pile, hung my handbag on my bag rack and turned on my lappy while I sit in utter darkness. As if the house is in a total blackout.

For now the house is empty. Just the same way my heart felt.

I downloaded a bunch of tv series yesterday and I just might end up watching them later while I download other episodes to watch over the on and off weekend-Deepavali-Awal Muharram-weekend again break. Before that I need to pull myself together and get myself sorted.

An Adele song was playing over and over again today at work and these para seems to stick in my head from Adele's Turning Tables.

So, I won't let you close enough to hurt me,
No, I won't rescue you to just desert me
I can't give you the heart you think you gave me
It's time to say goodbye to turning tables
Turning tables

Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
When the thunder calls for me
Next time I'll be braver
I'll be my own savior
Standing on my own two feet

Yes. Next time I'll be braver. I just got to believe. Yeah, why should I let him walk out unscathed and die for it in the process? In all fairness, he just don't deserve it. So I will save myself. Like I always do.

Have faith.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Remedies for a broken heart, anyone?

S.O.S.

It took me a while before I manage to gain composure and write something for today's submission and presentation. That, and an hour crying while watching A Walk To Remember in tv. I have to say this so unlike me, but I am a tad sentimental these day. 

Its over its over its over. Deal with it. Get a grip.

I finally mange to write something at 3am today and God bless, a submittable paper and presentation by 6am. Which leaves me about an hour or so for power nap then rushed to class. I do not look like a million bucks - which defeats my new mantra of must look like you walk out of magazine at all times. Its tiring okay to hold a composed emotional front and dress up every single day, so since I going to be late anyway I don't think my classmates would mind my dull face.


Not so bad for no make-up and a heartbreak eh? Thanks to Vit C and Collagen pills and a host of beauty products - the only thing I need now is just sleep and more laughter so I can banish the puffy eyes. And that dry lips....hmmm, mana my Kiehl's lip gloss ni?? Gotta go and find them asap.

*ye la kata dalam misi membuktikan that its his loss :p*

I plan to grow my hair, but I'm getting a bit uncomfortable with the uneven layers. With stress piling up I wish I can just run to the salon and chop everything off, alas I need have to be patient.  I feel a sudden need for long shiny black hair - I think I am getting tired of highlights and short do's. My stylist is so gonna hate it but I think almost a decade of brown do's is enough. I gotta stand up and tell her I want something different and exciting  - because I am starting to hate the dull brown streaks on my head everytime I malas nak blow dry my hair. I think if my hair is jet black it will look more lively irregardless.

We will revisit this in a couple of months. When the hair is a few inches longer.

There will be changes coming up in about 2 weeks time. I'm suppose to be excited about it, but alas I'm still under the weather. It's going to be a busy 2 weeks though since I need to wrap up all the assignments I procrastinated over the past 2 months and work towards an early submission so that I can move on peacefully to this new change. Perhaps its a blessing in disguise - change is always good as I need to work on the steep 6 months learning curve (yet again) - so hopefully it will bring me back on my feet.

Till then, if any of you out there has a solution for me to try, feel free to drop a comment.  Ciao!

Friday, November 2, 2012

Just so you know that I will be okay

One of my bestie said to me......don't be in denial.

Apakah?

In my defense I wish to quote Carrie in SATC on he take on her Mr Big " He's not a crush, he'a crash".

And I didn't expect a crash. I was not prepared for a crash nevertheless it happened. Perhaps that made it worse. Its hard to explain....some of you might judge (oh yes, that happened too) so I hate to divulge details.

Well fine. I am posting a pic of me smiling to show that I am capable of pulling myself together at even the worst possible time. To show that despite all odds, I can put a strong front.

But then bak lagu rossa, "aku wanita...punya cinta di hati..."...

Baik tak payah sambung. Later ntah ke mana ntah post ni pergi.

Sigh.

I have been receiving a few interesting sms's and email's lately in response to my last post. It's nice to hear that there are people out there concerned about me after following my blog in silence for so long. Some dated back since 2008....that's like pre-arif break up period. This past year I haven't been writing much, mostly due to time constraint, partly because I don't want to be judged (because seriously, that happened before too) but there are a few who manage tounderstand what's happening with very few written and said between the lines.

Phewh. funny isn't it.

The most intresting email yet was received yesterday. It was quite well written, and I wish to quote a para here to share.

".....its not about who's leaving who, nor its how you direct yourself into situation like yours. its about what you felt, how you feel, and how you want yo remember someone, and most of all, how much you want to love someone. At the end life goes on. But we can remember this moment as something that will always put a smile on our face.For as long as we live."

He loved the same women for 13 years...and still loved her eventhough they didn't eventually end up together.

*awww, now we know where all the men went, they areeither married or pining over lost love. Which leave the rest of us...hurmm...okay stop it*

Its such a positive take on a breakup, I suppose that time will eventually ease the pain and bring you to that. But then what if such joy equally brings pain, and the moment you remember how happy you have been, it just make you feel sad?

It is a crash remember? Do I have to spend another decade trying to get over it?

*pejam mata kuat2. Nauzubillah.....tolongla jangan ambik lagi 10 tahun*

Emotionally drained. Trying to have more faith. Reminds me how easy it was when I was naive, i felt like back then naievity comes with more strength and resillience. Afte all these years ignorance went out of the window, I tend to pick up more broken pieces and end up being what I am now....scared.

But again.Life goes on.No matter how scared we become we just got to brave it till we're claimed back right? So I suppose I'll find a way to be okay.

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