One of my bestie said to me......don't be in denial.
In my defense I wish to quote Carrie in SATC on he take on her Mr Big " He's not a crush, he'a crash".
And I didn't expect a crash. I was not prepared for a crash nevertheless it happened. Perhaps that made it worse. Its hard to explain....some of you might judge (oh yes, that happened too) so I hate to divulge details.
Well fine. I am posting a pic of me smiling to show that I am capable of pulling myself together at even the worst possible time. To show that despite all odds, I can put a strong front.
But then bak lagu rossa, "aku wanita...punya cinta di hati..."...
Baik tak payah sambung. Later ntah ke mana ntah post ni pergi.
I have been receiving a few interesting sms's and email's lately in response to my last post. It's nice to hear that there are people out there concerned about me after following my blog in silence for so long. Some dated back since 2008....that's like pre-arif break up period. This past year I haven't been writing much, mostly due to time constraint, partly because I don't want to be judged (because seriously, that happened before too) but there are a few who manage tounderstand what's happening with very few written and said between the lines.
Phewh. funny isn't it.
The most intresting email yet was received yesterday. It was quite well written, and I wish to quote a para here to share.
".....its not about who's leaving who, nor its how you direct yourself into situation like yours. its about what you felt, how you feel, and how you want yo remember someone, and most of all, how much you want to love someone. At the end life goes on. But we can remember this moment as something that will always put a smile on our face.For as long as we live."
He loved the same women for 13 years...and still loved her eventhough they didn't eventually end up together.
*awww, now we know where all the men went, they areeither married or pining over lost love. Which leave the rest of us...hurmm...okay stop it*
Its such a positive take on a breakup, I suppose that time will eventually ease the pain and bring you to that. But then what if such joy equally brings pain, and the moment you remember how happy you have been, it just make you feel sad?
It is a crash remember? Do I have to spend another decade trying to get over it?
*pejam mata kuat2. Nauzubillah.....tolongla jangan ambik lagi 10 tahun*
Emotionally drained. Trying to have more faith. Reminds me how easy it was when I was naive, i felt like back then naievity comes with more strength and resillience. Afte all these years ignorance went out of the window, I tend to pick up more broken pieces and end up being what I am now....scared.
But again.Life goes on.No matter how scared we become we just got to brave it till we're claimed back right? So I suppose I'll find a way to be okay.