Saturday, August 24, 2013

Preparing to pack my bags.....


As we are closing in to September and bidding our farewells to a month of gluttonous food fest (ho yeah, countless open houses for 4 weeks to a point I am scared shit looking at the food menu - I kinda psyched that the month is almost over), I was furious to found out that my Istanbul plans were called off by the tour agent because of the low take up rate.

Seriously Mayflower? You tell this a month before I fly? After I dream the almost-impossible dream to fly across the picturesque Cappadocia - all of a sudden you squash it like a pumpkin and say "oops, were sorry - we can only fit you in to November"crap?


*pics ihsan Lonely Planet*

Sigh.

I refuse to submit. So I turned on my travel diva cap and searched for another agent (which I hope that will put me through) as I scorn the agent who squashed my dreams.

But guess what I found out?

MAS sale!!!!!! Cheapo MAS flights from 1 Sept to 15 May next year to various places and I got all crazy....

Ok...patience is a virtue. Sabar. I can'[t exactly go everywhere within that span of time considering I have classes and work (hmmmm....). Well I dont yea have to work. Otherwise no holidays.

And so I will settle with hoping that the new agent can get me through (oh please please please) and getting the girls oiled up for Komala's hen's trip in April. Oh yeah - the wheels are all set - we will finally be overseas to celebrate Kom's entrant to marriagehood next year. All the girls will be there.I'm super psyched!

:)

That one good thing to look forward too. For now best not to fret about things that may not happen and hopefully things would turn out for the best.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Sila jangan tido dalam kelas....

Have been in a 2 day MFRS training with the whole team....


The course content is dry as usual...ye la what do u expect from a technical course kan but the food was superb.

By noon everyone is practically snoozing.

T-2 hours till all is over.

Lets learn something.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Talking about ém haters.....

Of late I found out that apparently I have my very own personal hater - the kind that compares every single thing about me with them and talk crap about how bad I am at this and that. Awww...thats kind of cute at first, the thought that someone I don't even think off or give my two cents worth making all the effort to be all green about me but then after a while the thought came up pretty crappy.

Because this girl has a perverted sense of looking at things. Perhap the thoughts were motivated towards a certain someone someone close to me and that I, being a close friend of the certain someone someone, was seen to be a benchmark turned competitor for the certain someone someone's affection. At some point (I was told) that this girl twisted a story we shared to thoughts insanely perverted it struck me...

...hold on. I am not how she described.

For one I prefer to handle people with grace, and there was nothing gracefull over the way she depicted me. Though the certain someone someone quoted  that "she put it in a subtle way" that öh zuraida should say this"and "zuraida shouldn't say that"and that she "never thought zuraida is bold to have such pervy thoughts and say it out in public" quoting "kalau I malu la....".

The thing is - I said nothing of sorts. I know it. And if the story ever caught wind, those who truly know me will know that its made up.

She should have look at the mirror when she said all that. Perhaps la it'll hit her that so far dia je yang fikir macam tu...while others....

Sigh.

Perhaps again, its a story made up to get the attention of the same certain someone someone.

Sigh.

Desperado sangat ka to a point that you have to go through such lengths?

I read a very cool write up today on July issue of Female mag on haters in which I think makes a spot on point (oh I memang suka baca mags lambat - now that all is digital, I took the time to read at gym because its no longer heavy to carry mags, just my Ipad) :

" I didn't respond because it seemed like she was hoping that I'd do something about the whole situation. of seeing me upset. It wasn't hard to avoid her anyway because we weren't friends or acquaintances. I basically did my own thing and let her be. I've learnt that ''ignorance is bliss'' is the way to go. Its easier said than done yes, but if you had gone down to their level to retaliate, it doesn't make you the bigger person. You're just one of them. I think girls in general should just stop comparing themselves with each other. Whenever there's competition, things can turn ugly - even among closest friends. There's this saying "its nice to be important but its important to be nice" which I agree with all my heart. Cheesy but true! Heather, 24, Writer" - Female Mag July 2013 issue, page 318.


I decided to head the same advice and just let this slide. Besides, some people are just not worth the time. Not that the certain someone someone interested kat dia pun.....juvenile sungguh la perangai buat benda2 highschool ni bila umur dah lebih 4 dekad. I know a lot of empowering women that age who acts with grace and wisdom, the very thought of what happened just disgust me.

Keep in mind....its important to be nice. We save our souls through our own actions, not others. So lets be nice. For now.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Got tix to Yuna with the Philharmonic Orchestra! Yeay!

*istana budaya here I come!*

Who else is going? I'm psyched!

*Grin*

If you bump into me do say hi!

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Girls day out!

Called Shasha earlier today because I don't want to be stuck at home all weekend. An hour later, we had lunch and sipped a cuppa of our favourite green siren's bevie....


*insta newbie cracking the habit! dengan starbucks cuppa pun nak camho. :P*

Anyways, we stayed a bit longer and decidead to roam OU for a change. Si Shasha ni kalau nak ajak shopping memang susah bebenor la kan. Once in a blue moon baru boleh drag minah ni masuk shopping mall. Not that she doesn't shop. Usually we just hang out for teh tarik je after work and gossip.

Coincidently it was high time to get new crocs sandals. My sandal is about 3 years old already and the comfy level dah merudum - so its a bit high time I get a new one considering that I will be doing a lot of walking when I am travelling in Sept, Oct and end Nov. Okla - not that I am expected to go to Istanbul on slippers la kan tapi nanti nak pergi bali mesti kena pakai comfy sandals kan? Takkan nak pakai heels?


*catch of the day!*

Love the purples and pinks!!! I personally love croc's ocean minded range of slippers because its super light and comfy, and the new pink sandals had extra paddings that curves in the soles of the feet so huge brownie points.

:)

Thank God its still on sale. Got all for 20% off.

Shasha got lippies from BodyShop, she's not so inclined on the new VS lip gloss I urged her to try because she's allergic to the glitters.

Like seriously? Boleh allergic? Macam mana nak pouty lips?

Hehehe.

Being oh-so-human me, I am tragecially lured to the new arrivals in DP, TopShop and Charles& Keith. Tapi since Shasha is around she gave me the öh-you-don't-need-more-"fill in the blank whatever" look and aku pun terpaksa la letak balik whatever crap I took back on display. Sheesh. The only time I think she's a bit interested in buying something is when she ask me into MichaelKors.

Okay.

As we step in there it is - the MK Miranda on display - in various colors. Oh cantek. Took a liking at their leather tote bags too - the one in purple is just breath taking.

Sigh.

Letak dalam wish list je la.Its not urgent anyway.

Laters.

:)





Monday, August 12, 2013

On judgements and expectations....

I think I have reached a point of my life when I feel stuck. 

And to come to think of it, its not helping when others start put expectations on you and impose judgments. Well, you think only kids these days are stressed out because of such high expectations (on grades, on achievements in school or sports etc....the list goes on)...well kiddos here's a grim fact - adulthood makes it no better. At times, depending on who you are surrounded with...it might just get worse. 

I try to brush off things and not take it too hard but some people just try their best to test your limits no? 

Sigh.

Anyways, I shouldn't have cared. I should focus on things that matters. Like my studies - which is drowning me. Oh yes, nobody knows I am struggling - in fact everyone thinks its rosy dandy. Perhaps its best kept that way. We all try our best and hope things will sort out la kan?

"When swimming into a dark tunnel, there arrives a point of no return when you no longer have enough breath to double back. Your only choice is to swim forward into the unknown, and pray for an exit" -Inferno, Dan Brown.

And again yes, the only option I have now is to move forward.

Even when it meant I have to do it alone.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

By far, the worst Hari Raya ever - but then before all that, best of wishes.....

....to everyone.

Selamat Hari Raya & Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

*image ihsan google*

To say that I am not excited to celebrate Hari Raya this year is an understatement. I think I went the extra mile - I bought kuih raya, I bought baju raya (for everyone - that's a first), I tukar duit raya and put them nicely in green little packets for all the young relatives and kiddos I am expected to meet on Hari Raya morning itself and I sang along Hari Raya songs on the radio on the drive back home.

It was perfect.

Till raya morning people start complaining about my weight (as if they need to feed me all this while, and that I am shocking everyone but how I impressively gained weight on record breaking time as compared to everyone in the room). Oh and they made it pretty clear its a huge deal - they chant it like its a raya mantra - more than the day's greeting itself.

But that's okay - I can get through that.

Then they start questioning about me being single - as if not being married is a disease. Takpe takpe - itu pun aku dah biasa ; but they decided to go the extra mile and asked about my long gone ex-fiance. Hey, itu a bit too much la kan. We don't talk ill of the dead. Whatever la we have ever done to you? Ada mintak duit kau masa kitorang nak kawin dulu tak pulang lagi? Macam tu? 

Sigh.

Irregardless I smiled. I tried to ignore everyone. Besides kata balik kampung raya setahun sekali.

But when they start to chant the same mantra to my siblings and indirectly put me as an example of an epic failure, I decided I had enough.

You don't get to treat me like trash. Especially when I regard you as family.

The fact that it came from the very roof I stayed in hurts like a twin blade slashed over my bleeding heart.

So I told my mom I am leaving - took a bath, packed my stuff and left.

I am never going back there again.

I am done.

And God forbid if I am ever going to get married ever, I don't want them anywhere near me.

And ma I know you are reading this so please note.

Selamat Hari Raya & Maaf Zahir Batin. 

Saturday, August 3, 2013

I am at the verge of a panic attack - but I refuse to succumb....

I suppose I'm very very exhausted. Mind and body. Spent the whole day yesterday looking into test samples and statistical modelling theories I wish I never ever had to read ever. But alas, have to. No excuse. By the time I adjourned to bed it was almost 2 a.m. I was no where near to getting it the way I am supposed to.

Sigh.

I was thinking an hour of Breathe, Stretch & Heal (BSH) at UpwardYoga today might help with the fidgety panicky me. I need calm. I need focus. It has been a while since I practice, and Ninie Ahmad just started teaching weekends last week - it'll be great. But guess what? I bangun at 9am - exactly when I am suppose to be on my mat.

Great Zuraida....bagus sangat. Sila jangan teruskan perangai bangun lambat ni.

I miss those days when I wake up early in the morning and was already on my mat by 8am. That was 2009 when I frequent Beyoga in Damansara Perdana - and it was the best time of my life. I felt fit, I felt healthy and despite all the stress at work, the 4x yoga a week practice keeps me calm and focus.

What the hell happened to me?

This tired, lethargic life is no life.

Despite waking up late and annoyed, I dragged myself off the bed, pulled a mat and did a 40 mins self practice. It was painful, my muscles are tight at all the places and I am not as flexible as I use to be thanks to the added fatty paddings all over my body but I get to breathe. I get to shut down for  40 minutes today and focus on me, my body and my pain.

The 40 minutes was a good 40 minutes.

By 11 am I started flipping through more structured equation modelling articles - ho yeah, boring - but then at least I don't do it with a drag. 

"Yoga has a sly, clever way of short circutting the mental patterns that cause anxiety"- Baxter Bell.

Yes. Anxiety (slightly) at bay. Hopefully I could maintain this composure (at least) till I finish writing the final word in my exam answer script tomorrow.

Friday, August 2, 2013

Why oh why did I ever think I can sail through postgrad studies?

Exam day is in T-2 (or perhaps by now less. Sobs). Been going through notes and class handouts and for the countless times since the past 6 months felt like breaking down.

I can't do this. I am out of focus and its starting to take a toll on me.

To be honest, I am struggling with work and study. Of course, having very understanding bosses and collegues is a major plus point - but I hate going to classes and coming back blur everytime they talk about T-stats or structured framework or whatever else that comes with the territory.

*cry*

But I am halfway through already. I can't give up now.

Please dear God, give me strength.

Or perhaps I am just tired. I should go and do some cleaning. It helps to clear my head.

Laters.