Saturday, August 3, 2013

I am at the verge of a panic attack - but I refuse to succumb....

I suppose I'm very very exhausted. Mind and body. Spent the whole day yesterday looking into test samples and statistical modelling theories I wish I never ever had to read ever. But alas, have to. No excuse. By the time I adjourned to bed it was almost 2 a.m. I was no where near to getting it the way I am supposed to.

Sigh.

I was thinking an hour of Breathe, Stretch & Heal (BSH) at UpwardYoga today might help with the fidgety panicky me. I need calm. I need focus. It has been a while since I practice, and Ninie Ahmad just started teaching weekends last week - it'll be great. But guess what? I bangun at 9am - exactly when I am suppose to be on my mat.

Great Zuraida....bagus sangat. Sila jangan teruskan perangai bangun lambat ni.

I miss those days when I wake up early in the morning and was already on my mat by 8am. That was 2009 when I frequent Beyoga in Damansara Perdana - and it was the best time of my life. I felt fit, I felt healthy and despite all the stress at work, the 4x yoga a week practice keeps me calm and focus.

What the hell happened to me?

This tired, lethargic life is no life.

Despite waking up late and annoyed, I dragged myself off the bed, pulled a mat and did a 40 mins self practice. It was painful, my muscles are tight at all the places and I am not as flexible as I use to be thanks to the added fatty paddings all over my body but I get to breathe. I get to shut down for  40 minutes today and focus on me, my body and my pain.

The 40 minutes was a good 40 minutes.

By 11 am I started flipping through more structured equation modelling articles - ho yeah, boring - but then at least I don't do it with a drag. 

"Yoga has a sly, clever way of short circutting the mental patterns that cause anxiety"- Baxter Bell.

Yes. Anxiety (slightly) at bay. Hopefully I could maintain this composure (at least) till I finish writing the final word in my exam answer script tomorrow.

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