Monday, December 15, 2014

Movie marathon

I watch a lot of movies last weekend.

And when I say a lot - I meant a lot. On top of the two movies we caught in cinema this weekend, we went home to Horrible Bosses 2, This Is Where I Leave You and One Million Dollar Arm (awesome, must watch!).

*grin*

Things had been slowing down at work and its the semester break in school. So yeah, I finally get to take a deep breathe and just kick back and relax. Spent the last couple of days of last week (from Wednesday to Friday) clearing up working files, replying pending emails, unclutter my table and do some wedding planning - I just have to say wedding planning is so not for the weak hearted and I don't think I can do it myself but what the heck, I still have about 8 months or so to go and insya-allah, with the help of experienced bride friends who had gone down the isle and manage to pull it off, I suppose I can just scream help and an entourage will come my way.

*Winks. And hoped for the best*

Since I finally get to get a weekend off then I decided to just catch up with Manisnya Cinta di Cappadocia (MCDC) - I wanted to watch it so bad last Thursday anyway - having to choose between that and Paddington and feeling all blue and torn apart after watching the trailer - so I dragged my fiance back to TGV and insisted that he came by and watch it with me.

He agreed. Only if I watch Gone Girl with him.

Okay. No biggie. I'm all game. 


MCDC is so sweet!!!!!

I never read the book, so I came in with no expectation. Lisa and Fazura combo is so sweet, my fiance thought is a bit too much. Lantak la. I was gleefully laughing throughout the movie and that is such a feel good factor. Watching Rafidah on screen as Fazura's bestie brings in good memories from the Gol & Gincu days. And I think kalau Shaheizy Sam takde nak pikat Fazura pun I am still gonna be so into this movie sebab its like an overall good chick flick to watch.

My fiance on the other hand didn't agree. He says the script is not as good as Istanbul Aku Datang and that its such a cliche that Shaheizy Sam must be a pilot.

He can't stop whining about how we girls always think of princes and pilots as our typical Mr Perfect on and on and on till I say okay.....next time you tulis buku I'll make sure we break the stereotype and make Mr Perfect a doctor, lawyer or an accountant.

For all I know ahli musik pun takpe. Fiction kan.

Heheheheh.

But then kalau la my fiance ever decide to write a love story that'll be totally something. Knowing him he writes the heavy neo stuff - I belanja orang makan kot kalau all of a sudden he came up with a love story and it suddenly sells.

*oh bite me*

As agreed we watched Gone Girl after. Its a Ben Affleck movie and to tell you the truth, I had reservations. But then surprisingly I enjoyed the show and had fun guessing the the twist in plots.


Who would have known the girl would be psychotic enough to frame the husband for the murder and end up killing her ex and later walking back to the husband and expecting them to start everything all over again?

That's one bitch we should all give credit for meticulous planning and strong determination to get whatever she wants.

Its a very good movie.

Go watch them.

All in all this week is a good week at the movies....I can't wait for the Hobbits on Thursday.

Friday, December 12, 2014

Movie date night

These days, Thursday nights are confirmed movie date nights - thanks to Maybankcards buy 1 free 1 standard seats promo at TGV cinemas (no, this is not an ad, though it might sound like it). Who wouldn't want to pay merely RM14  for 2 tix? Ticket prices are so pricey off late - sometimes I can spend about RM60 per tix (oh yes, kalau kena angin gatal nak tengok jugak wayang when there's no standard/lux seats left and just YOLO and went to Indulge/Gold class) but hey, a girl's gotta save for her big day kan? Every dollar counts, so cheap movie tickets shoots me to the moon and back.

*winks*

Yesterday I was torn between Manisnya Cinta Di Cappadocia and Paddington. I have to say that I am torn beyond words, its like all of a sudden I am having a "kid having to choose her favourite candy" moment. Sebab I am a die hard fan of both Fazura and Lisa Surihani - I squeal over the thought that both of them are in the same movie. Tak kisah la kalau orang kata movie tu tak best pun tapi kalau both Lisa and Fazura is there I wanna watch them. They are freaking cute. I can overdose on their cuteness and go home a happy girl. On the flipside, the furry bear from my one of my favourite childhood book character is also showing. Who wants to miss the blur old Paddington and Mr Brown's antiques?

I have been singing my marching band nak tengok Paddington the whole day then sampai sampai kat cinema, I'm like "yang, can we watch both movies?"

*grin*

He looked at me with the heaviest look he ever mustered. Earlier today on the way back from work, I returned to him his work in progress manuscript with some of my thoughts on the book. Well "some of my thoughts" is actually an understatement - I have a bunch of question marks (on top of verbal que's I already asked him the day before when I browsed it next to him) and just for the fun of it, I printed the manuscript in a booklet and flagged all my comments for ease of reference.

Sebijik macam editor.

Berangan la sangat. 

So of course he got curious with all the flags and as we run through each comments, we tried making sense of some of my flagged queries and he got all hyped up to write.

But.....

....its Thursday. Its movie night. And I wanna watch Paddington.

*sing song*

And now I wanna do a marathon instead?

Gila ke apa pompuan ni? Esok tak keje?

:P
I tried to give him my "puss-in-boots" kesian look but he kept on saying u gotta choose one.

Fine!

We bought tickets to Paddington, which was a blast. It's school holidays, so the hall was filled with parents and their children. You can hear kids awe-ing over Paddy and laugh through his strings of clumsiness and unfortunate events. But paddy being paddy he's a lucky old bear. *grin*. There's always a twist that leans his way.

Oh my sungguh seronok being a kid.

It was a good movie. I totally enjoyed it. Both of us had a good laugh.

At the end of the movie he took me back to the concessionaire and said its okay if I want to watch a second movie. By then it's already 11pm, and I didn't feel like waiting for another movie any longer. So we head home.

Not before getting a pair of tickets to next week's screening of the Hobbit.

Finally! The whole middle earth story is coming to and end.

Till then!

xoxo.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Me and Star Wars

The weekend was uneventful.

Since it has been a long week, I spent the last weekend indoors catching up on much needed rest and sleep. I also got to catch up on pending tv series episodes from last week, which is not that much since most of the tv series is on mid-season break for xmas.

I end up doing a Star Wars movie marathon, and we manage to catch up to the end of Episode IV. I was never a big Star Wars fan - ok la, last I remember I watched it when I was a kid and that I am a huge R2D2 and C3PO fan but thats just it - I never remember the story line or made sense of the whole epic battle of the universe and whatnot.

So its natural that I don't even catch Episode I to III at the cinema.

Boohoola kan.

But then my fiance is a huge Star Wars fan.

I remember a couple of days ago he came up and told me to check oout the Episode VII trailer and I was like "okay, let me have a look" and when I did watched the trailer it crossed my mind like "oh crap, tak faham satu benda pun - tau tau semua orang is fighting with each other" which sucks because after 6 movie installments, I should get some storyline and some fun facts besides Annakin Skywalker is cute and Natalie Portman is Queen Amidala.

So I decided to catchup and download all Episode I to VI.

Hooray for technology.

As expected being the blur me I am lost at minute 15 of the first episode and being so impatient over the whole ordeal, start asking tonnes of questions in which somehow mr fiance rajin nak accomodate. Baru last thursday I blogged about his darting questions everytime he watched tv with me - over the last 2 days the table turned and I became the one asking all sorts of questions instead.

Thankfully he's very patient. Heheeh!

After 4 episodes I concluded - oh my he sure knows his Star Wars history. It 's so precise up to the recycling of every set.

:P

Anyways, having him around saved me a lot of time trying to digest everything on my own.

*grin*

Two more episodes to go before I scream bring it on Episode VII.

:P

My lappy acted up after Episode IV perhaps retaliating that it had too much Star Wars for the week, so we stops and went for Big Bad Wolf.

*bliss*

So the rest kena sambung next weekend la then.

Till then.....may the force be with ya!

Thursday, December 4, 2014

My mocking jay

Whoever knew me would definitely attest to how I am such a freak over movies and tv series - thank God for the existence of torrentz that actually feeds my movies and tv series craze and after all this years, help to keep both my sanity and wallet intact. Otherwise God knows I would be spending a fortune on dvds day in and day out.

It is typical of me to go home after a long day and browse the torrent search list and starts going on a download frenzy - it doesn't matter to me if I'll be watching it straight away or not - if I don't have time I will simply just bundle them all up together for a weekend marathon or something.

Which is utter bliss.

Back when my sister was still single she actually jumped into the same bandwagon - I never had to do any form of sorting or downloading myself, she would maintain a list of movies and tv series to watch/download and when the episodes/movies are up and available, download it and put it on my seeding list.

Which is so convenient. Its like having your own PA.

*grin*

Now that she's married and all I am back to doing it on my own. 

Sort of like being demoted.

*sigh*

Anyways, my fiance is not very crazy about tv series, albeit being a movie fanatic and all. Plus he's more like a movie connoisseur - whereas I am more like a blocbuster fangirl - so though we both enjoy movie dates, my exposure to movies and films had somewhat expanded to include oldies and award-winning numbers, which usually I don't fancy. Okay la, if its like 10 years a slave tu obviously la i tengok dah kan - but I was never really into Casbalanca or what not. But still, movies are movies....I boleh je layan kan as long as I get to watch my Michael Bays and Jerry Bruckheimers.

Just like he expanded my exposure to films/movies, I expanded his horizons on tv series. The thing about my fiance is that he rarely watch tv series. Selalunya kalau tengok pun malay tv series - in which I don't usually do watch. I'd rather get hooked on korean soaps, in which I try to avoid because they run in at least 200 episodes and they're so addictive. I think the only thing he watches constantly is AF, meletop and maharaja lawak. In which I don't.

So over the past couple of months I have introduced him to my treasure chest of tv episodes and got him to watch Big Bang Theory, 2 broke girls , the vampire diaries and Once Upon a Time successfully. Bahahahaha. Its more like I forced him to watch with me, but I know at least he was watching because he actually put his book down when these shows are on TV. 

The fact that he actually teman me to watch the tv series is not the fun bit. The fun bit was when he has all sorts of questions.

One day while I was chattering away over the Vampire Diaries he went on and asked

"Ni cerita yang mana ni?"

and I replied "Ala yang bloodsucking vampire tu"

Which made him confused when I talk about the Originals and he went "apa...ada lagi cerita vampire lain?"

And I went "yeah - tapi dia cerita sama sebab related"

Dah aku kena explain dekat 5 season cerita asal and 2 season cerita spinoff.

I felt like talking to Tina but then Tina totally gets it and I am not sure whether he gets it or he does it out of whim just to keep me company and make me chatter away.

Last Monday we watched Once Upon a Time and he starts picking interest over the characters and I spent an hour answering to messed up fairy tale stories.


"kenapa dia cari penulis buku tu?"

"dia nak tukar ending villain jadi happy"

"siapa yang pakai baju biru tu?"

"dia elsa dari frozen"

"kenapa belle kahwin dengan rumplestilskin?"

"sebab rumplestilskin tu beast"

"kenapa semua orang kunci diri dalam penjara?"

"sebab ada curse nak datang nanti buat semua orang bunuh sesama sendiri"

"Mana tau curse nak datang?"

"itu awan kaler purple"

"sape rambut pendek macam tomboy tu?"

"dia snow white"

"kenapa snow white muka macam tomboy?"

"err"


Okay, I can imagine nanti kalau I have kids macam mana.

Again, I don't know if this is his way of mocking me.

:p

But then I am not deterred.

Let's keep the episodes coming.

*grin*

Monday, December 1, 2014

Stretched thin

There comes a point of time when we stretch ourselves so thin, we are bound to flex/bounce back like a rubber band because we humans are only built to a certain extreme and such - we are never at a 100% capacity.

Life has been cray cray lately - a lot of changes, plus workload and study load combined is just a biatch. Sigh. The days when I come to question myself "what the hell am I doing  [fill in the blank] " comes more and more frequent - sigh, to a point that I felt like I am a tad ungrateful with what I have and already gone through.

Bad bad bad.

Did I lose all my zen when I slow down with yoga this past month?

Sigh.

Gotta start reflecting on myself and learn acceptance. I suppose I gotta calm down, this stress is pointless and not taking me anywhere.

Sigh.

Tell that to everyone else.

Sobs.

Too bad being stretched thin doesn't actually make me thin.

:P

30 days to the end of the year and its T-22 to flyday. So just hang in there!

xoxo.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

What's with.....

What's with a name?
To the point that a single name can thrust the heart like a blade
That the very sound of it signals hurt
and potentially fear

Fear of lost
Fear of hurt
Fear of being broken

What's with the heart
That in the very mention of a name started to cry
Despite the fact that it may not mean a thing
The heart simply doubts that it might mean everything
That somehow at the very sound of a name
the heart crumbles
The world that house it shatters

Like sharded pieces of mirrors

To a thousand pieces

What's with hope
That despite the hurt and the fear
Still house faith
And in faith this fragile heart clings

What's with a name?
That name hurts

They say a heart loves when its susceptible of being hurt
But who could have known that all it needs
is one single mention of a name.


Monday, November 10, 2014

Me and the day I browsed through my picasa web album

Do you know that all the photos posted in blogger blog post goes straight to your picasa web album? And that from time to time, should you decide to share,edit, tag, comment or delete those photos - you can do it via picasa web album?

I always knew it is there. But there was never a need to edit the photos I posted till recently. Almaklumlah - these days people tend to google other people at the very moment something piques their interest and a few friends of mine brought about a couple of photos that were posted about 7 to 8 years ago in my blog. 

Personally, I don't even care about those photos. So when it came about I said takpe - I can always remove them.

Anyways - I got almost 2000 photos posted over the past 7 years. From favourite food, to vacays, to outings with friends, reunions, weddings - my life is nothing short of colorful and lively.

I realise that there's nothing lacking in my life - and that I am surrounded with a lot of beautiful and loving people. Despite all my rantings and qualms over how depressing and stressfull my life could have been - I couldn't help but be awed over how happy I looked in each and every photographs.

And how happy all my friends and family are around me.

Perhaps its about time for me to start developing my photos and put it around the house.

Simply to remind me that I am blessed.

And so that I shall not forget about it.

Winks.

Have a good week ahead peeps. If the blues is hitting you at the moment - perhaps flipping those old photois of yours might take the edge off.

xoxo.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

On fake people

The thing about people is.....you can never shut their mouth.

No matter what you do, or whether they know you (or not!), people talk.

Some even louder than the others.

At times, its even competitive sport.

I try my best to be kind to others. Think positive. To not judge. Spread positivity. But sometimes what I do don't matter.

They still judge.

They still talk.

Even when they don't know you.....they find some sort of amusement in talking behind your back, belittling what little you have - trying to justify a lot of things against what things that they think should have had been or had happened.

And there are times when I think I didn't care.

Ok seriously I shouldn't have cared.

But its been a while since I met fake people. The kind that pretends everything is all rosy and dandy in front of you and seriously talk shit behind your back. 

Sigh.

Lets stop pretending la kan - I won't be pissed pun if I had known that person to be such from day 1 - tapi since incident ni macam like kes talam dua muka plus it came from someone who are not first tier friends - I can to think like apa ni....diorang ni takde life ke?

Yang all of a sudden seronok nak put my life under scrutiny?

Anyways, people like these will never be happy as they stomped on happiness of others. So I shall waste my time no more.

I wish you light and may you be bestowed in whatever kind of happiness you deserve.

As for me at least now I know. 

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

And so it happens......


....that the one that I have been waiting for has finally came knocking at my door.

*smile*

It has been surreal but he truly do make me happy. And at peace. He was not an easy person to understand at first, but doors were open, and roads paved. A few months later here we are....

....at a turning point.

And we are taking the turn together.

Hopefully all goes well till the big day itself. Once again I am filled with big dreams and hopes.

Thanks baby. Only God knows how much my heart is filled with love for you. And blessed your soul because you make me feel all warm and fuzzy and complete. 

Much love. And many more to come.

Bear with me people. You must be ready to puke by now, hahahaha, but who cares. I'm over the moon and back - and that's what matters.

xoxo.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

:P

I have been doing laundry all day.

Folding laundry to be exact.

Gosh. I have so many clothes. I can't believe it. I spent hours folding and I am still on to it. Penat okay. I still have loads to do, and I don't seem to have the time to do it. Sobs.

Work has been crazy. I wish I could blab about it. But I am just too stressed out to do so. All the signs of stress is apparent - the over-eating, the popping zits, the dandruff - soon there'll be massive weight gain, fatigue and depression. I felt like my emotions are running wild and patience running thin lately. Sangat tak stabil.

But then what to do?

Life's a wheel. This wheel is at its low end at the moment.

On the other hand....

A good thing is coming my way next weekend.

My silver lining.

Can't wait.

*winks*

Laters. Nite.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Freaking out because of nothing at all

Happy Eid'Adha peeps!

Back to work after a long weekend. My house was turned upside down - major spring cleaning is in progress at the moment. Thought that I can make the change over the weekend but then I was wrong. Sigh. I am such a hoarder. I have so many stuff. Sobs. Planned to give away some of it but ended up putting them back where I found them because I just can't live without them.

Teruk sungguh.

:P

Anyways, things had been slow at the office. Nothing much can be done. Server was down. So I started off with the next big thing in my to do list - event planning. This past 2 years I am somewhat climbing up the event planning ladder - from being just a participant of events (which I love!! , I use to leave all the itsy bitsy things to my besties like Komala or Shahnaz who are more organised) to being a planner myself (because of late, the planners themselves can no longer be an organiser because they are now the ones to be celebrated upon). 

Sigh.

I gotta tell you that planning an event is no joke.

:P

Alas. Some things just need to be done. 

So browsed a few places. Got a few quotes. Sent some emails. Its not even noon yet and I am experiencing massive butterflies in my stomach and I  felt like vomitting.

What if this turns out to be a disaster?

*freaking out*

Maybe I should call for reinforcements. And start delegating.

Sobs.

Still freaking out.

How the hell do some people manage to do this with ease? Perhaps I worry too much.

I better stop now.

Its just too early to lose my cool. Besides.....if it works out it'll work out no? An event is just one huge party.

:!

Friday, October 3, 2014

Kenapa?

Have you ever wondered or ever had a conversation the like of this?


"Sayang, You sayang I tak?"

"Hmmm. You sayang I?"

"You think?"

"I do"

"But why?"

"Kenapa? Kena ada sebab ke kenapa I sayang you?"


*dalam hati - nak kena ada checklist ka?*


*Do you have one?*

Personally I never have one. Perhaps that explains why I can not hold a relationship for that long anyway. Sebab tak fokus. Sebab tak tahu apa sebenarnya diri sendiri suka atau tak. Always bagi peluang for myself to simply know others before I decide what kind of friendship it'll be. 

Tapi tak rasa superficial ke kalau ada checklist and all? I am not perfect, then why should I impose perfection on others.

Kalau tak tick the boxes then tak payah consider?

Hmmm.

I personally felt that matters of the heart is complicated. Its easier to explain law of gravity or talk about the solar system than explain the way you feel for a person. But then should I have a reason on why I am in love with a person, I would say simply because.....


"you listen"

*when I talk. And I talk a lot*


"because I like it when you smile" 

*eventhough sometimes you look like you are trying too hard to do so....smiling is not something naturally tattoed on your face*


"because you make me laugh"

*and yes, your jokes are not lame, even when you classify it as a stupid joke"


"because you laugh at my lame jokes too"

*because I am an accountant and my jokes are usually not that funny*


"because unknowingly, you gave me what I needed....not what I wanted"


Okay zuraida....dah deep sangat tu. Susah nak explain nanti.

:P


Maybe I will never find the best words to explain the why. I merely hope the fact that I do love means a greater deal.

*Its Friday - for funs sake lets crack the DVD and play 10 Things I Hate About You on repeat*

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Rain

Days had been rainy lately.

It rained during the day. It rained at night.

Makes the night colder. Longer. 

At some point the cool weather is welcoming. After months of haze and draught, the rain is a breath of  fresh air. Who wouldn't want to be under the covers and simply slip into dreamland in such coolness and stillness?

The rain and the cool weather made the mornings seems longer too. Its kinda hard to part ways with my bed - the plush pillows and soft duvet seems to keep calling my name back to its embrace. Hence, saying goodbye to morning yoga practices.

:P

How I wish I am more disciplined.

Alas its already October. Should not give up just yet.

Its been about 3 months or so since I have been seriously practicing and I am starting to slip. My other commitments -work, study, personal - seems to be pulling me into a different routine alltogether this past couple of weeks , putting me about 3 weeks behind my standard 4 day a week practice. But then I tried to do self practice at home ; I still manage to muster enough energy to push myself on the mat for about an hour or so till my body gave in and my core trembles - but then I have to admit that its not as fun as having other to cheer you on bakasana and headstand.

*vain much? agakla*

But then my cart wheels are getting better. And I think I am working on my fear of falling as well, so I get up to a headstand with less difficulty. Of course, I am still dependant to the wall but then thats like better than nothing no?

Have plans to go back to the studio on saturday before the long Hari Raya Haji break. 

God please give me strength. And motivation. And the courage to part ways to my oh-so-dreamy-bed.

:P

Its raining outside. Heavily.

Hopefully the traffic wouldn't be a nightmare.

Just saying.

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

MId week work woes

The past couple of days had been crazy at work. Okay, that's not true. Make it a week. Re-phrase that. The past week had been crazy at work. My colleague is off on maternity and we have been sharing responsibility around the office to cover the absence. I never thought there would be so much to do - the amount of work to process is just overwhelming. I barely had the time to take a 5 minute break all week - spent the whole 8 hours on my desk staring at my lappy like a robot.

Punch in. Punch out. Enter. Punch in. Punch out. Enter. Delete. Repeat.

All. Day. Long.

I tried to assure myself that things will be okay. In truth, I am so nervous stepping in for my colleague because I was so not used to using the accounting system. The first couple of days was stressful. But after day 3 things starts to get more familiar and I felt so much better.

Finally being involved with an actual month end closing this round, I can't help but felt a tad nervous when I step in to the office today. What if something goes wrong?

Keep calm. On my second cup of coffee for the day, the caffeine fix is definitely helping - but then the guilt inside is overwhelming.

Sigh.

Looked at the mirror today and didn't recognise the person staring back at me. Oh my. I am back to looking bloated and tired. At this point, I don't think make up will ever help. Pimples are popping out everywhere - a clear sign of stress - and I haven't even started working on my assignments yet. I should start on that. Otherwise after Raya Haji I met as well just kill myself because I must definitely need to submit something in class.

Enough babble.

Boohoo. Going back to work.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Strings of ......

Tak tau la ong jenis apa dalam badan ni kan but since September started I (almost) lost my phone due to water damage (my Iphone decided to go for a swim during Ani's wedding in Tampin - sobs!), down with conjuctivities for a week, experience mobile meltdown (and now, carless) and now, struggling to brave another hour at work under a gastrick attack.

I wish I can call my fairy godmother and ask her to do something about this string of bad luck but then thats too childlike.

:P

Despite all the negativities, my baby sister got married to the love of her life. Sorry, no piccas. Since its in my Iphone. Still working on fixing it. Nak tunggu orang donate Iphone 6 to me lagi la sampai bila pun agak mustahil. It was fun to get to meet all the aunties and uncles I grew up to when my dad was still in the army.....unfamiliar faces now that more than 20 years had passed but then they were close family friends and the love and warmth they bring with them is still the same. For a while life seems perfect and all the mishaps over the years seems non-existent.

Yeah, there was that much love.

Too bad a lot of my friends can't make it to the wedding. It would have been fun if I could get to see everyone. *grin*. Nak tunggu sendiri punya wedding itu belum pasti. But then takpe la. Whoever made it to the day itself like Ika, Alia, Kom, Shahnaz, Shaz and Shasha - I am forever in gratitude. You guys made my day. I had fun. I hope you guys do too.

Still having a massive headache. 

Wanna. Be. In. My. Bed.

:(

Monday, August 25, 2014

:)

My face is peeling like nobody's business since last Friday. Whoever can fall in love with me in this state is definitely a keeper because seriously, I can't be more fugly than this (kata saya). I have been trying to avoid meeting anyone at all the whole day today but then nak dijadikan cerita my department threw a makan-makan during lunch hour and I end up meeting practically everyone during the makan-makan session. 

Tak.boleh.lari.lagi.

Sigh.

I just hope that the whole thing will blew off by Friday and everything will go back to normal again before my sister's wedding this weekend. Masak la kalau the face is still peeling during the wedding day - there is no way I can cover it up with make-up - tak kisah la makeup tahap pro macam mana pun. Sobs. 

I still haven't got the time to color my hair, but doing my hair seems pointless now that I look like a wreck. Perhaps I should just schedule an appointment for Wednesday and see how it'll pan out. Kalau malas tak payah pergi.Worse case I'll just buy a box of color and get my mom to help me out on Friday night, the night before the wedding itself. Mi will kill me. Sobs. Dah bertahun kot tak pakai over the counter stuff. But then dah terdesak sangat sangat dah ni. 

*grin*

Lots of things to do. So lil time.

Have a great week ahead peeps.


Sunday, August 24, 2014

Troubling thoughts

Tossed and turned all night and woke up to the lousiest feeling this morning. It doesn't help when I get to bed with troubling questions in my mind.

Sigh.

I try not to over think it but personally its bugging me. Usually I just laugh it off but I don't know why for some reason this time its like a bullet that goes straight to my heart. Its crazy how it made me felt like part pissed part crying inside but I can't seem to let it out. Its like bottled inside.

Are you crying?

No.

*dry smile*

Perhaps I should have. But there were no tears streaming. Just a huge block of pain.

I am sensitive at times. This is one of those times. But displaying weakness is not a virtue of mine.

I need my girls now. And more yoga.

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Melissa Shoes? Anyone?

Being a girl, I have a thang for fashion - be it make up, clothes, accessories - of course I have a thang for shoes as well. Who wouldn't love something that makes you feel hot when you strut that cute dress around? Extra inches to make you feel supermodel tall? check! Extra lift to make your ass looks saucy? Check! Heels so thin its a crime not to walk around and feel impossible yet dangerous? Check!

Those who have been sticking around for a while will surely know how crazy I am about shoes. It doesn't matter if its designer or not, I put comfort and class ahead. Especially if its stilletos - kalau tak comfortable sah sah fail la. Pair a good one with day to day wear you can immediately up your look a notch and go from average jane, to hottie on the block.

No kidding.

Well, of late I have been eyeing a pair of Melissa shoes. I am a bit of a sceptic of jelly shoes for a while, but then the Melissa shoes are just too hard to resist! It comes in high heels, flip flops, slip ons, flatties and wedges that can be used from day to night no matter what the occasion. 


Aren't those beautiful????

I can even take them to the office!

They even have flatties - which I love because they come so casual its good to be taken to the beach, my favourite chilling spots!

Anyways, the pair I have been eyeing for quite sometime is perhaps more practical for a cooler climate....


Melissa Drama in Grey

Macam cantek je!!!!! *scream!!!!!*

Omg zalora sale 10%. *grin*. 

I have been contemplating this pair for a while. Cool kan to be strutting the streets of London with this pair? If all those famous celebs can rock Melissa shoes kat sana, I pun boleh.

*gelak evil!*

Plus it comes in a few color options...


Oh my,

Yang pink tu pun macam delish!

With the discounts zalora just made the shoe more affordable. Like!. Now seriously thinking to just impulse purchase a pair myself.

*hears credit card crying*

For more choices of Melissa shoes obviously you can check out Zalora's website now. Go go. Before it runs out.

Laters peeps! Gotta go and checkout my cart now!

Bersiaran di awal pagi :P

Woke up at 6am today so that I can beat the jam and make it to work early.

*winks!*

Kalau everyday macam ni memang terbaik la, boleh dah buat habit practice ashtanga mysore pagi pagi before work. But then you know me....ni hangat hangat tahi ayam je. Nanti in a couple of days I balik la to the snoozing my alarm till 8ish routine macam biasa. My bed is just too hard to resist in the mornings.

*grin*

I was at my desk by 8.15am. Ambik kau! Yesterday when I walked in slightly late the department secretary happily announced to the whole department " Zuraida! 9.45!" and I can only muster a red face and a half decent smile. Oh macam tu eh.....tengok ye.....nanti later dia masuk I nak buat the exact same thing....buat announcement.

Heheheheh.

Okay dalam hati takde niat kejam. Believe me. Ni saja suka main-main.

Its gonna be a long day today.

My boss is away today, so I plan to declutter and recollect on what is due and get it all done. Then there's 730 pm yoga today, in which I don't plan to skip since I haven't been practicing since Monday. Satu hal pulak kalau nanti weekend comes and I start tak boleh nak catch up lagi coz I didn't practice.

Oh and my baby sis is gonna be married on the 30th!!! I'm psyched. Its been long awaited.  I am so proud of my baby sis, she manage to deal with all the bridezilla thingy on her own. I asked her if she needed help but she seems to be hands on with everything and she says its okay....so her kakak got to chill and just float around like the bride. Hahahahaah. The kakak chilled too much to a point that she realised that she haven't sent her baju to the tailor, found out when she wanted to do so last week she actually don't know where she misplaced the kain to be tailored and called her mom yesterday on a hissy fit of a potential wardrobe malfunction on her baby sis's wedding sebab she may have nothing to wear. Classic. Orang lain yang kawin orang lain yang gelabah. I don't know what will happen on my own wedding day. I surely didn't get a hang of it preparing for it the last time and I think over the years I have developed my own kind of phobia about wedding days myself. Sigh. Perhaps thats why I need a super cool baby sis. Nanti when the time comes I just sub everything je kat dia. Muahahahahah. Then I chill, macam sekarang.

*grin*

If only la kan that could ever happen.  

Now I am staring at the bottom right of my laptop screen and the watch shows.....8.53am.

Oh my. Lamanya nak 5.30pm.

Hari baru bermula.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

2 hour traffic to work? No kidding.

Slept a good 12 hour sleep last night and it was amazing.

I woke up chirpy and light as a bird. As I hit the showers I can hear music in my ears and all of a sudden I am belting an unfamiliar tune at the top of my lungs.

The title of the song doesn't even cross my mind. I was just swept away by the music playing in my head and only realise that I am doing a reindition of a KRU oldie when I hit....

"mungkin tak selalu ku lafaz cinta, tak selalu berganding mesra yang kau pinta, membuat hatimu hingga mengalir air mata....."

....hmmm, sad song on a happy morning. Ironic. But the music in my head feels good. It doesn't feel sad at all.

*smile*

I was sent back to earth after having to endure 2 hours on the road in Damansara-Subang-Solaris drive.I made an arrangement to send my submission by hand to my mentor this morning at the Subang airport and the traffic was out of the world crazy. Seriously, how on earth do Subang people go to work in KL everyday in all that traffic? Its practically not moving en route to KL, its just insane.

Kan best kalau boleh jalan je pergi kerja. No traffic. No hassle. Just morning air. 

Ni tak. Dah la traffic jam, construction left and right. I heard the MRT beam under construction somewhere in Kota Damansara fell of the rails (err rails? ke track? ke runtuh macam tu je? betul ke?) the other day and that there were casualties - indirectly maybe I pun a casualty jugak sebab the mishap somehow may have contributed to the bad traffic today, wallahualam la kan.

Arrived at work at 9.45am. With the reasssignment of cubicles at work thats bad bad news. 

Gotta make an effort to walk in earlier next time.

Its mid week. I am definitely looking forward to the weekend. Gotta clean my crib and run errands all weekend and I am psyched. 

Laters.

xoxo.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Writing from the heart

My final paper submission for the semester is finally sent for print and bind yesterday. It was a major relief - considering I have been struggling with writing it the past couple of weeks. These days writing comes to me as a challenge - it has been 6 to 7 months of mental block and feeling lost when I even attempted to write. Staring at a blank screen for hours is freaking depressing. I am brain drain and tired - its so exhausting just to even think about it. Tu belum kira the frustration I face when I read a journal....I can feel the words bouncing off my head as if it were hitting a brick wall. So yes, being able to finally get my drafts finalised and ready for print in time for it to be graded is a huge thing.

To come to think of it maybe I have been struggling with writing because deep inside I no longer have the heart to do what I do and continue studying. Perhaps the excitement to complete my studies had dimmed, reaching a point where I start questioning my original intentions. The fact that I did the paper out of fun in the first place is not helping - after 2 and a half years its no longer fun. Its stressing me out. I have to admit that there are days when I just can't believe that I ever decided to do it in the first place - that there was a point of time when I thought it was a good idea and not listen to my ex boss who said "seriously Zuraida, are you sure about this?".

Hmmm. Back then I replied "yeah, it should be easy peasy".

Boy I thought wrong.

Even worse when you get the "what were you thinking doing this thing out of fun" look from anyone who heard about it - as if macam its not common to further studies. Seriously chill la people. If I am the kind of person that goes through the normal life cycle of habis degree-dapat kerja-jumpa chenta hati - kawin and beranak pinak maybe I wont be what I am now and doing the things that I do now. Just because I chose a different path doesn't mean I deserve the "you're out of your mind" look.

Sigh.

Well I did a bit of light reading last night. Never read the author before but it was recommended by a friend, so what the heck. Anyways, there was a chapter where the author wrote about writers block and he mentions that in times facing mental block (in which writers do - I suppose its a work hazard), it doesn't matter that you can't write a single word, what you have to do is keep on writing from the heart. When you are done writing with the heart, then you fix it with the head.

Okay that's not a direct quote. I rephrased that. But thats the gist of it. I can't remember every single word. There are other funny bits that's quite deep (and sometimes dark) that made me forget the other deep and not so funny bits of the book.

Look up Pendek Mabuk Gila by Ahmad Kamal Abu Bakar if you have the chance. Its a good read. I enjoyed it. It took me only 2 hours to finish the whole thing. That's a record there I tell ya.

And then again maybe the author was right....maybe what I needed is a bit of heart. But then the question is, can I do technical writing using my heart?

Agak payah disitu kan.

:P

Zuraida, you gotta have heart in what you do. Its referring to doing the writing itself, not the content of the writing per se.

Hahaha. Deep la kononnya.

Laters.

Monday, August 18, 2014

On my typical Sunday yoga zen

Yesterday's yoga practice is practically like yoga boot camp - by the end of the second hour of basics and intro to ashtanga I was practically sweating buckets. It was not easy, I have missed a week of class because I was busy with my finals submission so catching up with a back to back class yesterday was no joke. 

But my time on the mat is practically one of the happiest time of the day. As I breathe in the air, exhaled and twist - I felt my heart open and my body came to a form of lightness. For a moment I was free from worries....my only worry was to stay calm in a pose and steady my breathe. And that is no worry at all. For once I let go of my crazy panicky rush to meet my deadline and simply smile. Yes, I smile on the mat. It is not easy to smile - at first I had to practically force myself to do so because who's sane enough on earth to smile while they struggle to twist their body to the side and bend backwards but seriously, smiling makes all the difference. It relaxes the facial muscles, lift the spirits. Usually I'll take a mat at the front row so that I can open my eyes in between poses and look at the reflection staring back at me....and I can't help but think "gosh that person looking back looks amazing!" every time I see me smile back. It must have been all the oxygen sebab there are times when I don't even recognise that person staring back at me because she look so calm, collected and pretty.

Hahahaha, yes I am vain (and crazy) like that! Okay la. Kalau tak puji diri sendiri siapa la nak puji.

:P
Usually the best part of a long back to back practice is brunch after yoga (where I get to make new friends...blessed you fun yogi souls) and the nap after. It will be the longest Sunday ever because by the time I wake up from my nap it'll be 5pm already (and the yoga ritual starts at 9am) but every single minute is pure joy.

:)

Whats usually your typical Sunday?

Saturday, August 16, 2014

:)

Skipped yoga today because of the morning rain.

As I lay on my bed, I can hear the fierce sounds of falling water outside my window. Not a calm morning. It may be quiet, but its not calm at all.

I usually love morning rain. The cool air. The stillness. The smell of it. But then today it feels a bit off. 

I wish I can whip up a pot of coffee. The smell of a roasted beans filling the air might help. Alas its been a while since I brew my own coffee at home. I'd usually just resort to a trip to the local starbucks or something. But even that has been going on a decline lately.

Anyways its a Saturday. A lot to look forward to. Best ot dwell in negative thoughts,

Laters.



Friday, August 15, 2014

What about you, is there someone else?

Its been a tough two weeks, with work and submissions and tonnes of to-do's. What's more, its festive season so I get to catch up with friends over the past two weeks over good food and good company.

Oh, despite all, yes I am blessed.

Smile.

Of course, over the last 2 weeks questions are raised as to whether there is a certain someone in my life. I suppose its inevitable. You meet friends who cares for you of course they want you to be as happy as they are. The funny things is they think I am even more happier these days because I simply rock my instagram account like nobody's business and they contemplated that all the glow must be because of a new guy.

The way that they put it is if as if finding the one perfect person who can truly understand and love me is an easy task. Yeah honey, I can simply walk out of a cafe or a bookstore somewhere and suddenly bump into that one guy and simply hit it off and life is perfect all of a sudden.

Okay I am not venting. I am just trying to make a point.

But then that is a question I do not have an answer to.

Its complicated.

Sometimes I felt like my friends do expect the "its complicated'' answer. What's about me that is not complicated over this past couple of years? I wish I have a more graceful answer than just two words that does not mean a thing. Because deep inside I have this gut feeling that there is something, its just that perhaps its not yet time or place for it to happen yet.

Oh yes its complicated.

But then while working on my submission assignment today I had You've Got Mail on the LCD and there it was....the answer....

"No, but there is a dream of someone else" - Kathleen Kelly, You've Got Mail (1998)

Oh yes, there is a dream of someone.

And he haunts my days, my nights, my living being. For once, everything is as simple and as natural as breathing and despite all the complications, I feel light and easy and simple. The thought simply makes me smile and filled with joy.

But then again.....

.....it is still a dream.

And I am not sure if it will still be as good if I ever wake up.

If he ever wakes me up.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

I.........I'm hooked on a feeling!!!

Have you seen Guardians of The Galaxy yet???


I only have one word for it...and the word is simply AWESOME.

*Grin*

Tak percaya?

Have a go at the trailer.



I never thought I would like it. But the script was funny, there's a lot of action and the soundtrack is infectious.

To be frankly speaking they are not belting new tunes. The awesome mix (as labelled in the movies) are simply oldies but I have to admit its a bunch of my favourite oldies.

I liked it so much I got super excited to find the soundtrack on Itunes and without a second thought, clicked "Buy Now".

Best. Purchase.Ever.

Next on my to watch list is of course Step Up All In - being a fan of all three previous installations of the franchise, of course I'm psyched to catch the ultimate battle.

I can't say a thing about the latest Step Up movie till I watch it myself but here's a shout to the original who made me fall in love over and over again....


Channing Tatum as always....very hot.

Who would not fall in love with that?

Here's to another great week.

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Bye bye July, Hello August!

Despite the mild haze, today is a bright shiny day. The office is still empty, everyone is still away on raya break. Kinda gives me more time to recollect on my thoughts and refocus on the things that I need to do. 

Now that 7 months has passed since new year I start getting fidgety over my life goals. Going down my personal checklist, I am a bit of an underachiever this year. Sigh. I wish I have done more. I wish there is more time. I notice that my thoughts and focus were scattered all around, it has been a challenge for me to get a grip of things and this is not good.

This is bad.

Sigh.

Alas we have 5 more months to go before the year end. With my sister's wedding coming up and business back as usual at the office, it'll be back to busy mode and hopefully, I'll get a chance to redeem myself.

And this starts with killing my long procrastinated outstanding to do list which includes clearing pending accounts, spring clean for good and complete my submission assignment by Sunday.

Thats seriously a lot of work. Considering its raya and there will be a lot of open house.

Lets not get too ahead of ourselves and focus.

To those who are still on a brea, lucky you. Enjoy while it last. To the rest of the population, happy working. Don't stress so much, its almost the weekend.

xoxo.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Salam Aidil Fitri 2014



This year is most probably the most unexciting raya for me. For once, I bid farewell to the passing of Ramadhan with a tinge of sadness. 

But in the spirit of all good things, lets look at the bright side. 

Salam Aidil Fitri and Have a Good Hari Raya. I am human, therefore I err, so for all that I erred, I bid forgiveness. I know a lot of friends who will be taking the week off, so do enjoy your holidays and stay safe on and off the road.

See yáll when I get back to KL on Tuesday.

The roads should be clear by now so I am signing off.

xoxo.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Waking up at the wrong side of the bed

This past 2 days my nights has been restless. Despite all efforts (meditation, metta, lai-ching, practice headstands) I have trouble going to bed. So I end up sorting my laundry (3 weeks of laundry, so much baju and still I shout I don't have enough. I suppose the noise was so loud the guard just have to pay me a visit and tell me to stop doing my laundry because everyone else wanted to sleep), re-arrranging wardrobe, sorting through my massive amount of shoes (oh last night's count stood at 60 pairs, can you believe it?) - guess what, spring cleaning still hasn't ended. Halfway through my mind will be pre-occupied with something so I left things halfway, I seem to be somewhat out of focus and the house is still a pile of mess.

I end up sleeping after sahur sometime close to 3am. I must have been tossing and turning badly because I woke up with sore left shoulders.

And my neck is super stiff.

Sobs.

*susah bila emosi tak stabil ni*

I woke up to good news. But then I am not really sure whether its  gonna be really good or not. Because I just got a one liner and suddenly.....silence. Hmmm. I am so not good with silence. The fact that it gives mixed signals is a bitch. But then you can't force people to layan you all the time kan? So senyap je la. When people wants to talk then later pandai2 la diorang datang balik. Sigh. Taking a deep breathe, I try not to be bothered with things that are out of my control. So I pulled myself together, took a chill pill (literally) and sing in the shower like nobody's business till I feel good.

I suppose as time goes by I learnt to deal with things more gracefully and take things lightly. Okay la kan. Less stress is good. Was talking to Tina yesterday on being a bitch and she says "Kak Zu, I think you handled it pretty well. You are calmer these days. Kalau 10 tahun dulu mau merempan lagi teruk". Hmm, that not the exact quote but thats the gist of it. That's a direct response to the craziness I went through last Monday - yet again "all-of-a-sudden-silent" circumstances that could have been avoided if a certain someone someone could just give me a heads up but then its okay, I got over it.

Hmmmm.

I do age gracefully I suppose. Tina's right. If this happened 10 years ago I would have burnt someone's house down. Today I'm just okay whatever. Move on to the next agenda please.

Anyways, looking forward to iftar with my ex pwc girls later today. Its been a while since we play catch up. Its gonna be fun.

Just wish this shoulder ache will go away. Oh I should have slapped my bantal to my back before I left for office just now. Dang! 

Laters.

xoxo.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

The Fault in My Stars

Have you seen The Fault in Our Stars?

Everyone says its super awesome but frankly speaking, despite the incredible script, I think I'd go with Perks Of Being A Wallflower instead. But then, the love story might not really be that epic but it does raise a number of interesting point about living and love after life. If you are up for heavy drama then you should have a go at it, you might even like it.

But of course if you wanted fun then go and watch 22 Jump Street. Channing Tatum is hot and the movie is super funny. 8 out of 10 definitely.

Back to the TFIOS, my take from the movie is simply that despite all odds, everyone is capable of love. We may lost hope that it exist, but sometimes the best comes to us when we least expect it. It could be tough and hard, it could be easy and simple. It could also be complicated. No matter, it will come in due time.

I love the idea of loving without expectation. The one where you simply don't put pressure and love for what it is rather than what it could be. The thing about Hazel and Gus is that because they live by the day, they cherish what the have to the fullest, even the small bits in life - and make the best out of it. Sure they have dreams....but they are not afraid of disappointments and hold a grudge over it thus their love is expectation free.

What moved me most is Hazel's eulogy for Gus.....

"I can't talk about our love story, so I will talk about math. I am not a mathematician, but I know this. There is an infinite between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many days of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and for that, I'm eternally grateful."- Hazel's Eulogy For Gus, The Fault in Our Stars (2014)

Ain't that sweet?

*winks*

On the side to my dear chatterbox, in case you are reading this (in which case I don't think you do), I thank you for our little infinity. It does feel like forever, even when we merely have minutes.

Literary speaking.

And for that, I am (okay for now, perhaps eternally is too big a word) grateful.

xoxo.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Just as hope rings through laughter, it can also shine through tears - Maya Angelou

Today, the nation grieves over the loss of MH17.

The thought of being in between a cross fire and targeted warfare is often remote since I always believe that I grew up in a peaceful and loving country. But then I suppose nobody is safe these days.

#beyondwords

If we could all just stop fighting, let go and spread love and kindness, perhaps there is hope.

But humans are selfish, and in selfishness we err.

#staystrong

Thursday, July 17, 2014

How I am Gonna Deal With All My Clutter Pun I Seriously Don't Know

Barang siapa berani masuk my house now nescaya dia akan pengsan with the amount of mess that I have accumulated over the past few weeks.

*grin*

Tina claims that its not that bad. She came by twice over this past weeks with her kiddos and I made sure there are ample space for the kids to run around the house. Tak susah sebenarnya nak campak all my stuff into my 3rd room and pretend that all is good. But when they leave start la balik - the bags, the shopping bags, the baju-baju all macam termuntah keluar flowing to the living room.

Again.

Oh I so need a maid.

*drama queen la ni*

Nasib baik aku takde laki. Kalau tak masak la kena tinggal. 

I have been trying to do a bit of spring cleaning for weeks but then sangat la penggagal. There's just so much stuff. I macam confuse mana nak start. Start halfway one side and hours later there is still mess everywhere else.

Sobs.

But the raya is less than 2 weeks. Gotta sort it out before that.

Sigh.

Please pray for me.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Closet raid

Today pergi ofis bajet ayu.Ada iftar company after work today and takkan nak pergi iftar pakai the normal day to day wear. Scrambled through my baju kurung wardrobe dengan harapan that I don't outgrow my old baju kurung - I seriously need a nice one for today's company iftar and sumpah tak kuasa la nak pergi hunting baju baru. I know I have tonnes of presentable baju kurung and kebaya from the past and I usually don't wear tradional dresses to work. But then kalau ada yang fit to satu bonus. Gaining weight is a bitch. Depressing okay nak shopping time time badan naik ni. Everything is not a nice fit. The dreadful feeling masa masuk fitting room tu tak payah cerita la. Kalau boleh nak lari balik je rasanya.

Sobs.

Anyways, good news. Found a modern kurung kerawang circa 2012 and guess what, it fits perfectly. I remember 2 months back kain dia ketat nak mati. Seriously. It felt like a burden is lifted. Cepat-cepat selfie. Hahahaah. Saiko punya perempuan pagi pagi dah merempan. But then hati berbunga-bunga, because if I can fit in this I may be able to fit in some of my kebaya. 

*grin*

Should try them later tonight.

My mood was so good today I decided to go minimalist with accessories (yeah, no elaborate arm candies) and just done the kurung with a simple simulated diamonds I got from Lovisa's sale yesterday. It was on buy one free one and I thought it'd be nice to wear for Ani's wedding next month, but then still need to try it out to check whether I can survive beyond 4 hours with it sebab my sensitive skin can't take some type of metals kalau tak naik rashes.

Pic on insta. Malas nak upload kat blog sebab my lappy macam went nuts and lately susah nak mati nak view pics. Boohoo.

Well its 3 days to the next weekend! One that I am so looking foward to.

*winks!*

Laters.

xoxo.

Monday, July 14, 2014

Talking about insecurities.....

Good morning!!!!!

The roads were pretty clear today. Perhaps everyone took the day off post a long night watching the World Cup finals. To some its a long weekend because tomorrow is a public holiday (for Nuzul Quran - always envied the Selangorians for getting extra day off but heck this year we KLites get it too, so fair and square) so its kinda obvious a lot of people will be enjoying slumberland now.For people like me who's less excited about football and decided at the very last minute that sleep is more important anyway, here I am...at work.

*grin*

Not that I don't want to watch the World Cup finals. Who doesn't want to feast on Argentinian No 22 sweating all over the field but lets be practical here....I am not a buff. And when there's no one to enjoy it with I might as well spend my time catching up with beauty sleep. It is aired in the wee hours in the morning after all.

I have a feeling Germany would win anyway. It comes to happen that they did. So no qualms in not catching it. I seem to have a sixth sense for this.

Talking about beauty sleep I always felt that I never had enough. Last year was miserable. I barely slept. With work and catching up with submissions in school, I was a walking zombie. But then things got a little slow this year, and I manage to work on balancing my time and commitments, hence more sleep time but then it never felt enough.

Sigh.

Bad thing about not getting enough sleep is that it gets my mood all screwed up. When I am moody I eat. When I eat I gain weight. When I gain weight I feel horrible because I am like a stuffed bebendum doll. Its like a bad domino effect....the pieces starts falling and they were all black. Gets pretty insecure when some hot chick walks next to you (ok seriously, they don't have to be that hot or beautiful, just plain skinny will do) and suddenly all the confidence goes crashing to an all time low.

Sigh.

There were times when I forget being beautiful should not be so superficial.

That beauty lies beyond physical appearance.

That what's beautiful in me is never the way I look but how I smile and light up when I am happy, how I laugh insanely as if my heart is exploding, how carefree I am when I speak and carry myself in a crowded room, how funny I can be when I talk to others - that I am beautiful because of my wit and confidence, and my physical appearance is simply complimenting all my other beautiful character traits.

And that I should never forget that nothing is ever a competition.

There's never a competition to be smarter, or prettier, or more beautiful - what we get out of it was never a prize to be won. So why should I compare myself to others and feel insecure?

I should embrace me. For all my faults and insecuirities....I am my own perfect person. No one else can be me.


For I maybe flawed and lacking - but I should know that deep inside, I am stronger than what I think I am capable of.

All this because of beauty sleep.

You have a good week.

xoxo.