Monday, July 7, 2014

Days when patience is seriously not my stronger suits

Sometimes I wish people could understand me better but then again I am not an easy person to be understood.

Over time I changed. I learn that life is not a bed of roses. I use to be naive. I don't see myself that way anymore. I am a hopeful though. I still want to believe in the notion of all things good just the way I it was when I was growing up .....but of course these day I have to play down my expectations and be a realist rather than an optimist. So I am more grounded. 

More careful.

Personally I don't think that its a bad thing. Everybody changes and mature over time. So I suppose change is natural. But then what if people detest your change?

I can't be a little girl forever.

I kept my silence for a reason. Especially when I believe that talking would do more harm than good. To be frankly speaking I have issues. I have to admit I am taking my time and I am sorting it out. You might not the be happy with the way I handled me but then what's the point of me justifying my actions. There was never a need to justify my interest to leave home when I was 13, nobody even question me on why I want to go to boarding school - back then my parents simply sign the forms and let me be so why now?

When I am 2 decades older? 

You suddenly crap about losing me?

Whatever la. Some things are best left unsaid.

The thing is being me, the more I am put under pressure, the more I yearn to be free. Force me to open up then I'll shut myself like a clam. People who knows me best would agree to leave me alone and you will find me finding my own way home.

Seriously.

I wrote this hoping to feel slightly better but then I still felt the same. Thanks for making me feel so crappy.

No comments: