Tuesday, March 31, 2015

10 minute rant

Off late, it felt like I am experiencing a premature summer hours minus the sun and the sand.

The days seems long (and longer) and nights cut short. My standard hours starts at about 8ish am to as late as 3am to 4am the next day - leaving only about 5 hours of downtime. I am not kidding when I sing song and kata I am swamped because I am seriously tired. 

And I have so much on my plate. Work is crazier than ever. Deadlines kept being pushed forward as if tomorrow's doomsday. Because I spent so much time at work my studies had been lagging. Tak buat sepatah haram pun reading (apalagi writing) during this 3 months study break. 

My motivation is super low.

Not that I don't want to excel - I felt a bit stuck there. Macam ada a huge road block in front of me and its taking a lot of energy to get through this.

Somehow yoga cushions the blow.

Been practicing a bit this past 2 weekends and had an amazing time during anna sugarman's workshop last saturday. For a moment, I felt a gush of energy, a form of lightness. In fact, I felt a lot better.


This lil yogi has so much peace and love her practice is exactly what I needed. Manage to get a couple of days of good night sleep over the weekend before work starts taking over my nights again yesterday.

So much for Mondays la kan. 

Sigh.

I have high hopes that this is not permanent though. This feeling of being stressed out, overworked, tired. I believe this is just a season - it too shall pass. Over the past couple of years I have been looking at my work demands and busy schedule positively - that its temporary and part of my future investment. But off late people close to me had been questioning my work commitments - to a point that its troubling me. Its not true to say I don't care. I somewhat care. And its bugging me.

It came to a point that it became so difficult I asked myself "apa sebenarnya end game ni? kenapa susah sangat?".

Trust me, no matter how solid and strong I look at the outside, aku ni sebenarnya hati tisu in inside. Lately banyak hari kot I try to hold back tears inside me and just take everything one day at a time.

Sigh.

So now....time for that one deep breathe and back to work.

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