Tuesday, March 10, 2015

#notetoself

I am human.

From time to time, I forget that the one person who can truly love me is myself. Hence, I end up loving someone else more than my own.

At some point this is not a bad thing. In fact, its natural. But then to some extreme, I lose myself.

Because when I love someone too much I open up the part of me that's fragile. A friend once told me that when I love someone I am beyond myself - I give and love with my all. That's dangerous. Because that's the part of me that can be broken. That can be hurt.

And others, just like me at the time when I still love myself....can be selfish.

So when the person I love starts being selfish, knowingly or not....they hurt me.

Time and time again I remind myself that such things happens. That's it part and parcel of life. But then again, there is no excuse to not take care of myself.

No excuse for not drinking more H20 than I am now.

Or to skip gym time.

To miss salon and facial appointments.

Raincheck on coffee with the girls.

I should have known that I am losing myself when I don't recognise myself in the mirror anymore.

How did I lose myself this time?

Sigh.

Recently I hit the bottom of the wheel barrel and as I look at the mirror, I see a complete stranger. One that's washed up, tired, exhausted - and all of a sudden I aged by 10 years in a flash. 

God, how did I get here?

Perhaps I relied too much on the love of others I forget I am best when I love myself too. Now when I felt lost it seems pretty clear that I should have given me more care in the first place.

So #notetoself - here's to trying to fall in love with me again - and hopefully along the way pick up the pieces to make it where I want to be,

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