Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Difficult times

Lately, everything is hard. Or at least I find things to be hard at my end.

Hard to sleep at night.

Hard to wake up in the morning and appreciate the sun.

Hard to enjoy the day and smell the roses.

Hard to appreciate the small things.

Hard to breathe.

I think my heart is shedding tears over wounds that no longer bleeds. My body is tired. Emotionally exhausted. 

Tried to count my blessings. Tried to be gratuitous over the blessings life has brought my way but then things was just hard.

Sometimes I wonder how people manage to stay strong. To keep on going. Dalam hati aku ni maybe tuhan baru bagi sejentik - dah menggelupur ; but then I suppose since I never persevered this far then I was never tested.

At the end of it all (if this is the end, though it appears unknown for now) I am just exhausted. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel (like I always hoped for) and I don't know how to be positive over this : I am just beyond myself at the moment I totally blanked out and don't know what to expect or do at all.

I wish I could stay strong. But what if staying strong is just pointless , then why waste it? Because all the efforts are unseen, unappreciated - its as if I never put the effort in the first place ; so why bother?

Yeah why bother.

So I kept myself numb. Drown myself with work. With hopes that this dreadful hardship will eventually wither off and things will eventually sort by itself.Its like turning on a ticking time bomb, just waiting for it to explode.

Sigh.

Lets all hope for the best.