It's been a while.
I believe I have not been writing much this past year - a lot had happened, so much to say - yet so little words are there to express it. For a while life seems just to be passing by - it became routine and unspontaneus - I suppose I myself is going through a soul searching phase for yes, I am lost.
But the world does not revolve around me. The sun still rise and set on its intended timing. I watch everyone around me grow and move forward, as I stood there an observer. Not that I am not evolving myself - its better at work, more manageable stress level, I manage to find time to do things I love like travelling (though not far) and yoga - but I know deep inside I yearn for more. My self actualisation goals are somewhat at a pause at the moment.
Then there's the passing of my mom. I can not even begin to say how much I missed her, because I simply do not know how to say it. When asked and confronted I always put the brave face and said its all fine - because its just me to always put a strong front and think positive. It's how I am trained since young. To be honest I don't know how to say that the passing hurts so much and I wish she was still here so that I can call her when I want to (yeah, selfish me!). Its easier to act normal and just bury it inside and not to think so much of it.
Anyways I hope she's in a better place. I believe she is. My aunties believe that she's sipping coconut with her dad at a beach somewhere, enjoying the sun. That's nice. Its been raining here the past couple of days I wish there is a bit of sun.
On a happier note, the most busy time of the year is almost 50% through. Kudos to my team who had poured effort and planned early that we are now working through our peak reporting period without having to live like zombies! (Love,yes a lot). For once I get to clock out at a more reasonable time (which is below 8pm) and catch up with yoga twice a week and a weekend run. Compared to last year this was a huge improvement - because I no longer have the feeling (or the need) to cry at 2am in the morning next to a printer that suddenly prints in the middle of the night when no one is actually using it. Now the finishing line it mid Feb for board approvals and end march for annual reporting - which I hope we can all continue at this pace (or better).
Oh I hat that printer. Actually not so much hate but scared of it.
A couple of more days to Lunar year. This year is my year. Roosters thrive! Bet everyone is itching for the long weekend too - so whoever is celebrating, happy Lunar year and to the rest who is on a break, have fun!!!